breasts

I have formulated this ratio... Breasts in the public, that is to say clothed and "holstered" in a brazier are about 80 percent brazier and 20 percent breast.

In general breasts in a bra bare no relation to breasts out of a bra. General speaking cleavage is a bra created phenomenon. There are so many styles of bras and accessories for bras to change or more appropriately enhance breasts as to be staggering. There is the high lift "push up bra" the Water Bra with the little pouch of water hidden in the cups, the Wonderbra apparently conceived on a cad scope somewhere using 137 different panels for the construction of the cups, the padded bra then there is the little chicken cutlet silicon thingies you can buy to slip in to the bra. There is breast tape... the list goes on and on. It seems to easy to have great looking breasts in a bra why then do I see so many women with... ummm.... well... err... bad looking breasts in a bra. The obvious is the bra that is too small and squeezes the breast out the top or the bottom of the cup. I am sorry ladies Boob Splooge is not attractive. The bra that is too large around and fails to support the breast at all leaving it looking like a pita bread with some filling spilling over the top. The bra that is too tight around the chest which causes more of the muffin phenomenon ala tight hip hugger pants. There is the bra that is really just a bra in name only it does nothing what-so-ever for the breast in either support or modesty coverage. These typically allow the nipple to show rather freely. I am unsure how I feel about that. On the face of it I like it plenty... but then it makes me uncomfortable wondering if the woman knows she has her high beams blinding people. And what if she finds out what is she going to do? I imagine there are women who like the idea. I suppose there is sort of nothing to do about it really. I have seen the little silicon nipple inserts for bras. I saw one woman who looked like she could lean up against a half inch plate glass window and cut holes in it. In some communities bras are less worn by women. These are the same communities that don't have too big a market for ladies razors either. I have seen some guys who look like they could benefit from wearing a bra. Bras cover up a multitude of different breast shapes and sizes and homogenize them. I wonder if there are Bra Spotters, like Train Spotters. Guys who are so keen eyed that they can say She is wearing a Maidenform in style X size 34 C or a Bally or a Victoria's Secret or Playtex.

issues of compatibility…

I think that sexual compatibility is the most critical component of compatibility that can be measured. I say measured, I don't know how to measure such a thing but I imagine there are points of compatibility that can be measured or assessed. Are you a kinky person, like porn, and role playing sex games? Or are you a person that thinks kinky is being seen naked in the day light, does not like porn and finds role playing games a ridiculous waste of time and energy? Those two people are likely not compatible. So unless these two are willing to move toward each other in their sexual predilections their relationship is not going to meet the needs of either partner for long.

Sex is unique in the spectrum of human interactive participation… mostly. I say that because there are certainly people that fall outside the scope of the ideas that I am writing about here. In a relationship each partner meets the needs of the other mostly. But in the case that the husband (or the wife) likes to play golf and wife does not then the wife cannot inhibit the husband's freedom to play golf. The husband is welcome to play golf in groups, pairs of foursomes… or more I guess. I don't play golf. The groups might be mixed they might not. The husband is welcome to take magazines about golf. He is likely to buy the accessories to play the game, clubs, bag cart-thing, balls, tees the usual stuff. He might troll the internet looking for more specific tools, accessories, apparatus, videos or books to help improve his swing, posture, grip or concentration. The husband might hire a professional to teach him some of the finer points of the game to help improve his game. That professional is likely to physically touch him in the course of coaching him. In general all this is just fine with the wife assuming that it all falls within the household budget and the time away doesn't leave the wife feeling rejected and alone because he is gone every weekend for hours and hours.

The same ideas apply to a relationship if one partner wants to pursue a hobby in a band, they might even play at local bars or fairs or other social events if they are any kind of good. Again the band might be a mixed group with a woman lead singer or... Or the wife might have a desire for sport bike riding. She is certainly going to buy a motorcycle for this, likely a nice and likely fast one with a good helmet and a husband does not want his wife all covered up with road rash so a leather riding suit is in order. She might go for Track time to learn more about cornering and breaking she will certainly be riding with a bunch of guys. Most anything you can name is ok outside the confines of the relationship if one doesn't care for the activity and the other does. Cooking classes, bicycling, gardening, playing cards, Olympic training the list is just about limitless as long as sex is not involved as the principal activity. An Olympic athlete might be getting massages from an opposite sex masseuse but as therapy that is likely ok.

But when it comes to sex, the brakes lock up, all the crap in the house, err, I mean car, flies through the air, the tires squeal and smoke and everything comes to an abrupt halt. I meant that metaphorically of course. And there are some mitigating circumstances and special negotiated relationships and special people that allow this sort of thing and I don't mean by my choice of words that I am somehow looking down on those individuals. I applaud them for their boundary pushing and courage to explore that realm of relational activity. I was there once… it didn't work for me.

So if the wife of or the husband decides to pursue a sex life as a hobby or a sport outside the marriage that frequently ends the marriage and costs half of the household stuff one way or the other. Just "read the papers". The 'Headlines' are replete with Governors and Mayors and Sports figures and Celebrities of all walks that think that they can get away with it. Just ask Tiger Woods how it worked out for him. In general neither the wife nor the husband is allowed to have sex with another or in groups. They are not allowed to seek coaching from a 'professional' outside the relationship to "improve their game". Certainly medical issues are outside the scope of this post. Some things are sort of tolerated though. Buying magazines is generally tolerated, with an eye roll, Playboy for men, Cosmo for women. Buying sex toys is gaining in popularity, YIPPY! I love me the sex toys. And the sex toys of today are a quantum leap forward from the old ivory colored plastic vibrator of years gone by Let me tell you. I used to make my own because they were too ridiculous to even consider driving to "that side of town to one of those stores". Porn seems to be becoming more widely accepted by women. But any and all of this is subject to approval on the part of both individuals in the relationship which is why it is, in my opinion, vital that they be sexually compatible. Otherwise these little "foibles" have to be kept secret and hidden. In most cases, though, these sorts of things don't stay secret or hidden for long. Musical compatibility, books, food, TV all this can be negotiated, accepted and even appreciated… Sex not as much. If you are predisposed to be a kinky because of early exposure or trauma it doesn't matter, that is who you are and no amount of counseling or treatment is going to change that. It is deeply interwoven into your psyche. I believe sexual proclivities are a level of "traited-ness" one step up from your sexual identity as male or female. Your partner will have to accept and embrace that about you because that is not style trait like music or fashion or sports fandom. It is a deeply seated personality trait and It's not an easily changed aspect of who you are as a person and nor do I believe it should it be called for in a loving and close relationship. That is the sort of thing that should be learned about early on in a relationship so that both parties can make an informed decision about life with the other. I find that the notion of being virgins on your wedding night to be a noble pursuit but not very smart in the overall scope of living a life time together. Who knows what sexual 'skeletons' are likely to pop up and you just know they are going to pop up. I know you have heard the stories of the wife or husband figuring out that they are gay or lesbian or even opposite sex trapped in the wrong body after having lived half a life in a marriage. I don't think I could deal with that so very well. Somehow I "think" that women could deal with that a bit better but this is just me projecting my belief, or more likely my desire to believe, that women are inherently bisexual at some level. I await your letters of outrage and condemnation. But I would have to claim that Porn did that to me… no, I am just kidding… not really… no really.

All that said, It is also vital that you stay sexually compatible with your partner and communicate any changes that start to develop over the years. If you are inhibited from the beginning you are even less likely to communicate changes that occur as time goes by until you are signed up for that sex change and boarding a flight to Thailand to finally meet Dr. Tsu.

Sex and the abyssal of Hell

For me sex is a great and wonderful thing. I imagine it is like that for most people but… for some people it is an addictive thing. Like most any other thing, alcohol or video games or work people can balance that into their live in a healthy way. Some people can not… I can not. If I am left to my own devices I will sit and pursue sex in every way imaginable. I will troll for sex chat at the Yahoo Messenger, I will sit and design then build sex toys, I will troll porn typically starting with artistic nudes and winding up looking at the "farm channel". I would burn down megabit after megabit in down loads of webcam and posted videos. I would sit and read sex blogs endlessly. I would have accounts on most every dating site there is but more likely the more pervy ones… you get the picture.

I found this out the hard way some time ago. I left my sweety and did that what you see above and more. One night I was in a Yahoo messenger chat with who knows what and chatting things that disgusted even me but I was in it till the end… a 3:00 am end, with a 6:00 am wake up time for work. It was at that moment that I realized I had done that for the last three nights in a row and didn't see it stopping any time soon. This was "too" much fun!

The picture that came to mind was me sitting in the front row of the balcony section at a theater with no wall or railing in front and no theater either just the fiery abyss of hell reaching up to me.

… from the previous post… I seem to have a weak sex braking mechanism.

Re-wiring

How porn can re-wire your brain… short term and long term.

In the short term I noticed one day after an afternoon of watching porn, some good some crappy, that I went into the world with a skewed view of things. I went to the Home Depot and when checking out with a rather attractive woman checker I found these thoughts running through my mind… Wow I wonder what she looks like naked. Is that a pucker in her shirt or are those her way large hard nipples. Are her nipples hard because she thinks I am hot? Is she going to ask me if she can suck me or me to suck her. And the thoughts all raced through my mind with appropriate video accompaniment of the imagined possible scenes. I kept waiting while she was ringing me out… then the credits… "Have a nice day and thank you for shopping the Home Depot"… Nothing… what a letdown.

Long term: it can give you a twisted view of what sex and lovemaking can or should be like. On occasion Hot steamy sex can be this way but in general it is not. These are paid professionals with proper lighting, direction, make up, proper shot angles and most of all editing. It can also fill your head with a lot of things that don't translate into reality very well. All those slick exotic positions look new and exciting on camera but a steady diet of that sort of thing… you had better be a yoga practitioner. Most of these women are more limber than most because that is their job Most of these guys look great because they are paid to. When you are paid to sit at a desk and file reports or some such you have to make time to go to the gym and PAY to look like that. Similarly these situations while sexy and fantasy stuff are not likely to be what you really want. No woman wants to be raped… but the notion of being so attractive to a man that he "loses control" and must have you now is an attractive one. And the idea of a recently unemployed 20 something building contractor stud showing up at a Cougar party with "pizza delivery" is interesting but I don't see Cougars sitting around eating pizza. They hang out in Martini bars.

There is a scene in one of my ALL time favorite movies, "BrainStorm" where a lab assistant has made a loop of an orgasm scene and apparently has been locked in his basement playing this looped bit of 'tape' for what sounds like three days. When he has the 'helmet' removed he is crushed by the return to reality. The subsequent difficulties have him being discharged and put in disability of "…inderterminent duration". In effect he had some sort of psychotic episode in connection with this event. At a certain level I believe that this is possible watching porn movies for some people. They get hooked their minds get re-wired to desire the notions and the ideas and the sex in porn but it is just not reality. I believe that it can become difficult thing to keep the two separate for some people. Perhaps not keeping them separated but keeping an understanding about what a real sex life is about and what porn is and wanting that level of a sex life with no consideration for work or chores or children or the desires of my partner or this or that or the other. I think I am one of these people.

I have said this many many times and I still believe it; if you and your partner are equally interested in porn then it can possibly work, but if one is and the other is not I believe porn will become a source of friction that will be difficult to overcome in a relationship. Similarly if you don't have some psychological braking mechanism in your head about porn, it can take you down the path that cocaine and meth and crack can take you down. If you keep watching and keep watching it desensitizes you to what comes next, the next big thrill. But I know that there are some people who can watch porn and not be "hooked". Just like there are peop-le who can have A glass of wine in the evening without drinking the whole bottle then moving to the Vodka. This is why I label myself as a sex addict. I have often wondered what goes on in the heads of people who start using coke and then windup snorting their possessions and their families, their health and their lives away. Didn't they see any of this coming at them? At some point didn't they say Damn that boat I just sold, to pay for my coke habit, was the last straw… NO MORE!

Happy Shiny people?

The Christian view of humanity confounds me. Many people find solace there but I do not. Throughout the bible humanity is a foul and lithesome thing subject to all manner of failings, sin and vice and corruption and well there are seven sins that top the list and everything sort of follow those in the list to some degree or another

But so the point of this is that we are, all of us, just little semi-self-contained chemical reactions running around. Some of us have better plumbing/’wiring’ in our heads which is to say that some peoples thoughts and thought processes are more squared away than others. I am not among this group. My thoughts and thought processes are so screwed up as to be… umm frightening. I saw this Craig Ferguson show (I love his show) where he had no audience it was an interview style show with Stephen Fry they were discussing this sort of thing. Steven Fry is a distinguished gentleman. They were discussing the idea of being at a party and looking at all the other beautiful people in attendance. Contemplating how nice and tidy their lives must be. How outwardly they seem so ‘pretty and shiny’ and polished their minds must be the same. Then they postulated that perhaps those very same people were looking upon them… Craig and his guest and thinking the very same thing. Craig and his guest were sort of laughing at the very notion because they knew the ‘ugly’ truth.

So back to the Christian view. But so if we are all just so ‘ugly’ and sinful, depraved and reprobate… how is it possible to have any self worth or self confidence or respect or esteem or keep from flinging yourself off a tall tall structure of some sort? I fight those voices a lot… only there is no tall anything around here except mountains and they are too gently sloped to provide enough free-fall velocity to deliver sufficient impact to insure a good quick departure. I am a chicken I want out but I don’t want to hurt doing it. When I read about how some people take accidental drug combinations that deliver sweet release… I wonder…