prayers answered?

I haven't been very posty lately. I tend to shut down when I shut down. By shut down I mean be depressed and I stop communicating with others and by extension blogging.

My depression has been an extension of a long "bitter" fight with my sweety about our sex life. Towards the end I was going crazy. I had answered a craigslisting sexvert. I didnt follow through thankfully. I sought out the help of several professional Dr. types. I was looking for some relief for the burrning desire for sexual... something release, healing, communication, some, all who knows. I was desperate. I tried to get a shot of Depo Provera. Chemical castration said to dramatically suppress the male sex drive. They use depo in penitentiaries on recidivist sex offenders. Apperently living in a small town with few options that is impossible. Then it happened. I cant say what the "It" is but it happened. I am no longer even remotely interested in sex with my sweety or any woman for that mater. Now I find the idea of sex to be a some what revolting idea. Its been near two months since last I even saw sweety naked and I couldn't be better with it. I love her and love being with her but the idea of sex is just frightening and very off putting. When I think of sex I feel ugly and small. I don't know even what to make of this development. We shall see. On one level it is the answer to a prayer and on the other I feel that I have lost a large portion of who I am. I feel like some one has surgically reached into my brain and excised that portion of my brain. I don't feel like a "Man" any more. But that feeling is welcome compared to the fire in my brain from before.