Dark Maters...

    She pulled the Moet and Chandon from the pretty cabinet. She poured a tall flute full and stepped into the tub. Exhausted and elated she relaxed down into the hot water. The candle’s glow was like the company of good friends. But she knew that there is only one way for more than one person to keep a secret and that's if all but one of those people were to die… she blew out the candles one by one.

(this is the 80 word version)

    She pulled the Moet and Chandon from the pretty cabinet. She poured a tall flute full and stepped into the tub. She giggled as she contemplated a MySpace Status change. What would that say? Exhausted and elated she squatted down into the hot water. The hot water nipped at her sexy bits for a bit until she relaxed into it.

    She thought back on the events of the night and how wonderfully it had gone. She had always had a thing for Bad Boys but this Bad Boy made her wet, wet to the knees. She had prepared the evening perfectly all the right stuff Rope, Ball Gag, restraints, special sheets, cling film, duct tape. She had wondered if he could be counted on to do his part and oooOOOhhh yesss his Bad Boy nature had not failed her.

    She found her self becoming so excited by recalling the events of the evening that she could not help but attend to the feelings which were calling to her from between her thighs and from behind her now achingly hard nipples. She was almost ashamed by these feelings... almost.

    She was proud of her accomplishments tonight. More importantly her mentor would be proud. Tomorrow Mr. Morgan would call on her and they would critique her work.

    Secretly she wished the Bad Boy could have appreciated her efforts on his behalf... perhaps he had.

    Tonight the candle’s glow was like the company of good friends welcoming her home. But she knew that there is only one way for more than one person to keep a secret and that's if all but one of those people were to die… she blew out the candles one by one and now her secret was safe.

(this was how it was intended but more than 80 words)

It’s been proposed…

    It has been proposed to me that I developed my sexually depraved nature as a result of or shortly after my divorce. I don't discount this notion but I do believe that I was predisposed to this sort of nature from the beginning.

    I attended a prestigious College-prep Boarding School. not that this did me a great deal of good really. As part of an entrance exam I had to write an essay. I wrote an essay about the series of books written by Xaviera Hollander, her Happy Hooker books. The essay must have been ok in as much as they accepted me.

    There are lots of other points that I will drop in now and then under the heading "it's been proposed".

Random stuff

    Remember this is National Prostate awareness month… it's Rec-tember.

I was at the book store the other day… I was trolling the magazine racks looking for some computer magazines… I saw a title that mystified me. The title "Glutes". I looked inside. This is a magazine directed exclusively towards the development of a larger ass. This brings a whole new level of uncertainty to the question… "Does this make my ass look big?" How do you answer this now? It used to be simple... "Oh No dear not at all"… now it's a 50/50 crap shoot and you know you are screwed, or not as the case may be, if you goof the answer. Please don't get me wrong here... I likes me the Large Ass!

    It seems the Loop rope people are reading my blog . They have introduced the wife in to the commercial. And they are tying things up around the house. They are also sponsoring a contest. Send in a picture of your worst use of a Bungee cord and win. The local announcer guy was, I believe, intentionally reading the scrip in such a way to make it sound "dirty" ... and said nearly as much after he was done… commenting on how "dirty" the scrip sounded and how much "trouble" he was going to get in if he didn't stop.

    There is a novelty story here in the area that advertises heavily on the radio and they are NOT even a little bit shy about the sexitude of their commercials. I applaud this advertising effort! The commercial goes something like this. Father asks the mother where the back to school list is, he is going to take the kids and handle up on that now. She says it's on a stack on the desk. He picks up a paper and reads from the list.… School Girl Costume, White Panties, hand cuffs, lube… The father clearly knows this isn't "The" list and asks again. Mother tells a story about how much fun back to school shopping was for her when she was a young girl and it brought out her "naughty inner School Girl" and that it was intended to be a surprise for later. Father indicates that he likes where her head is at.

One of my favorite jokes

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked,

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''

''Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten

up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

"1955," he replied.

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

(Gotta love military time)

Where I live... lived

    Its that time of year again. The Geese are flying south again, honking as they go. I don't know why but I love that sound. I live in the bottom of a valley floor but can hear them and see them flying to where ever it is that they are off to. From a friends home up the valley wall a bit you can see across the whole valley. From there you can see many flights/chevrons of geese flying. To me its a magic feeling to see them all strung out in lines.

    I know that there is plenty of high end aerodynamics going on with them... who is in front and for how long and the ones that follow follow at a precise angle and distance so as to maximize some lift potential created by the disturbance caused by the bird ahead. It seems also that since the lead bird is experiencing the maximum drag he/she stays there for some period of time, determined by them I suppose, then falls off to the back of the line to rest and to work their way back up to the lead again, amazing, magic.

Danceing with the...

    As she twirls and whirls about the floor waiting for her partner to arrive my mind burns with a desire that is difficult to resolve. At once I want to see her perform her dance with all the passion, grace and fire that she embodies but that same passion, grace and fire ignites a lust and passion and desire in me that I find difficult to manage. Her body moves with a sexy precision that creates such a deep lustful desire to capture her and experience awesome pleasure that her body could undoubtedly deliver. I imagine seeing her move through her set naked… for an audience of one… is almost too much for this setting.

    To entertain this thought more than this moment would also carry the implication that I was some how her equal or that she could some how entertain similar thoughts or desires for me, a most unlikely possibility.

    To in anyway consider fulfilling this fantasy would burst the gossamer bubble that surrounds her and the moment would vanish like so much smoke in a wind. The fantasy and the lust of the imagination in this situation are but smoky vapors when exposed to the reality of life.

    The studio door opens… pop goes the bubble.

Commercials

    So I am hearing this new commercial on the radio for something called "Loop rope". It is billed as the next big thing to replace the ever so "dangerous" Bungee cord. Durring the cource of the commercial one guy talks to the other. The one guy with experience is telling the inexperienced guy all about the benefits of Loop Rope. He is describing all the places uses it, the truck , on the top of the car, on the RV, In the boat... You can tie things up and tie things down with it. If you have more than one Loop rope you can even make a cargo net... (I loves me the cargo net bondage... insert evil and knowing "Oh yea" here)
Now in my Sex addled mind I am thinking that the Loop Rope people could double their sales if they went a head and added just a couple things to their commercial. When he lists the places you can use loop rope... the Bedroom could/should be nonchalantly slipped in, and where he talks about what can be tied with the loop rope he should say that you can tie anything or anyone up or down. Very simple very subtle.
Now this Loop Rope sounds like the quick and easy way into a homey little bondage scene unlike the Japanese style bondage which is artistic and slow. Japanese kink is pretty and elegant and artistic as is most every thing in Japanese culture. The Japanese are a very kinky lot make no mistake. When there is woman (I assume/hope a woman) dressed in a Catholic school girl uniform all bound and gagged and kneeling in front of a fence post in a perfectly manicured forest of bonsai trees shooting a milk enema out her ass into a perfectly crafted catch basin hand painted with Japanese calligraphy. Probably hand painted by 100 year old blind monk with a brush made from the tufts of hair that cover the hooves of an actual unicorn and ink from made from crushed bits of the one true cross and iron shavings from the Lance of Longinus. Its easy to see the elegance and attention to detail the Japanese bring to their kink, unlike German kink which is just weird and often gross.

    So but like I said I would already have several lengths of the stuff if the experienced guy added to his litanly of things to do with this new handy dandy product tie down his wife/mistress/submissive/slave to the RV or the truck or the boat... but alas the marketing department has no balls.

Is it any wonder; Part Deux

    I used to think that science was one of the last or only incorruptible communities left on the planet, and that the pursuit of truth and discovery through the much hailed "scientific method". Turns out I was wrong, yet again. Seems the longer I live the more ignorant I get. Turns out that the scientific community is a cult, at least the elite top end is especially when it comes to molecular biology especially when it comes to the origins of life on this crappy whirling dirtball of a planet.
Most every one is acquainted with the principals put forth by Chuck Darwin, the Theory of evolution as it is more commonly known. I use the familiar Chuck for Charles to indicate that I have little or no respect for him or his work. It seems that every one has forgotten that Chuck himself later recanted his theories as flawed and erroneous. Chuck's ideas do at a certain level explain the changes of species over time. But some how today's scientists have dropped the theory part of the phrase and take it as Fact. How is it that other scientific communities move on from the past. Physicists moved past Newton to Einstein and beyond. Cant we move past Darwin? Even though not one scientist can categorically state with an absolute 100 % certainty that Evolution is a fact not a strained out dated theory or possesses the ability to reproduce the origin of life. Not a single scientist can "create" life at any level. I mean can not get the 256 proteins to line up in the proper order to be considered the MOST basic building block of life. And it makes me wonder even if you could get that to happen once in say every 100,000 years what is the likely hood that single strand could find another before it expired in what ever violent situation that might befall such a randomly joined bit of protein in the unbelievably violent environment of that time. Volcanic activity, intense meteor activity very unfriendly chemical oceans you name it, this was not a hospitable place especially if you think that this happened before the event that left us with a moon. That single event absolutely erased every thing on the pre-moon planet just like that. Look in to how the moon got where it is today. That is an amazing story!
It seems that if you speak just a whisper of descent of Gospel according to Darwin you can have your life erased, as a scientist any way. Professors who have mentioned Intelligent Design even in passing have been fired and black listed never to work as a teacher or scientist again.
Scientists allow NO room for a "creator" of any kind. Live as we know it "IS" all accidental undirected. You follow the accepted doctrin lock/goose step or else.
If you apply the same general guidelines that might apply to a cult to the elite of the scientific comuiity it begins to look rather cultish... to me. I read where one scientist proposed that with less religion in the way more science could fill the void on knowledge and as more science filled the void less and less religion would be needed until ultimately there would be no religion. We have seen this sort of pursuit before. The Nazi's pursued this level of commitment to science that ultimately lead to a policy of doing away with those not sufficiently worthy to eat, Eugenics... the Master Race. Heck even in America we pursued that. 50,000 people were sterilized against their will. Every time we see Government remove religion from it society we see events like those that took place under Mao and Stalin and Pol Pot. Similarly when you have a government that is totally religious you have states like Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan Saudi Arabia, Somalia where the penalty for most any tiny infraction is death, and not your run of the mill lethal injection death... stoning and other med-evil very cruel and unusual methods.

    This post is unfinished but posted anyway.
I had a bad day, an amazing confluence of events that really beat on my faith in just about every thing there is. Days like this make my brain boil with frustration with lack of any thing to be done to work against this.

Is it any wonder Part Une

    Is it any wonder that apathy is so rampant in today's society?
There is no good news any where for any one. There is nothing to believe in nothing to count on nothing positive that sustains.
I used to think believe in the one man/woman one vote system of governance in America. That is gone.
It seems that the people of California turned out in an official election sanctioned by the state to change the constitution of the state to ban Gay marriage ala Prop 8. The vote as I understand it passed in favor and by something like 600,000 votes, a substantial number in any state election. But along comes one judge who wipes that all away in a single stroke of his pen. It makes me very dubious about voting. Why should I bother to vote if the courts are as likely as not to dismiss my vote. Why bother to take the time to read about any of the propositions ponder their consequence for my self or others, why bother when some one else is going to come along and do that "for me". Clearly I am too stupid or too ignorant or both to make such decisions. Why should I bother to even think about such issues.
Having said all that please don't get me wrong I used to be against gay marriage but I have, in the last couple years come to understand that my position was based on the notion that marriage was a religious tenant and that the 'institution' of marriage was a biblically based spiritual thing, a God created and ordained thing, and I believed that the bible spoke against homosexuality male and/or female. So, well, a few years of thought and investigation, isn't the internet a wonderful thing, I have learned that while it might in theory be such a thing, it's roots are some what less lofty or noble.
So and as many comedians have put it why should I keep the homosexual community from 'enjoying' the same hate, animosity, financial ruination that the rest of the community enjoys especially if no matter how many people vote to ban gay marriage if a judge thinks us all bigoted and backwards for holding these beliefs and voting out conscience that he will set us all straight and show us the error of our ignorant ways.

shutup already

Used to be when I would sit down to an evening of blog reading. I would read and comment on any or everything; politics, parenting, personal stories of triumph or tragedy, any thing that I had an opinion about it would spew out on to others commentary pages. Suddenly, how ever that has changed, mostly. I will start to write the commentary and after several editions and rewrites I click away from the page without leaving my comment.
In times gone by I have been sort of compulsive about answering questions even if I wasn't asked the question. And not just answering the question but going on to disgorge just about any and all information that might remotely pertain to the subject, or the history of, or future of, or anything directly or indirectly connected to the subject.
My daughter developed a "safe word" to let me know when I was going beyond the scope of the question and straying into pontificating.
I really became a bit ashamed of my compulsion... why cant I just shutup already.
So but anyway lately I have begun to be able to 'shutup already'

Partisipation

    In attempt to inject some fun into the rather feted pool of unpleasantness that this blog has become have decided for better or worse to participate in a Friday Flash Fiction... um thing and maybe I will try out some other similar stuff as well. Who knows where this could lead, NST, possibly HNT.
Below the post is a button to find out what this is all about.
Sooo here we go.



    The three of them stared at me when I burst through the doors. I was lost in the Palace and was desperate to find my way back to the Ball. Two of them glared at me, their eyes were somehow accusing, the third looked to be imploring me to come in and render aid of some sort. Suddenly I realized that she was looking at my codpiece with a hungry eye. The others continued to glare; willing me and my codpiece to burst into flames and drift away like a mote of dust drifting in a shaft of morning sun streaming in through a window. Dressed as they were I was struck by the half full or half empty glass puzzle… are these two women half dressed or half undressed, and are they helping this other woman into or out of her gown? Perhaps, had I lasted just a few more moments in the armory with the Princess, receiving my first Royal blowjob, this situation might have evolved sufficiently for me to make a more complete evaluation, but alas, my future Mother in-law must not be kept waiting, something about an after dinner snack.

The Ex Part Deux

    So it's been a very long time since I posted any thing. I wrote volumes but posted nothing.

    I just posted this and saw my disclaimer there shouting at me about being tough... guess I should have read that as I was writing it.
The short of it is that me and my ex had a very hot sex life but I lost sight of that when I found internet porn.

    While I was writing about her I did something I had not done before I wrote from the beginning. Previously all my thoughts, ruminations, introspections, considerations, pontifications, rants I worked from the present back. That thought vector front loaded the process with hate, anger, frustration, anxiety, loss... but starting from the beginning somehow did not. This thinking really took me by surprise, ambushed me, sucker punched me. As I began to think back on our lives one "Dear Penthouse Forum'... story after another came to mind. I started writing them initially with the intent to populate this blog with them for a couple months... but as time went on and I got closer to the "bad time" I found that I could no longer write them and was increasingly ashamed of how I destroyed our marriage so willingly, ignorantly, selfishly. The ex, was pretty hot. She could easily have held her own standing next to many porn stars. She was also the prettiest of the wives of all or most of my friends wives and I imagine that our sex life was the hottest. She was tall and lean, blond with blue gray eyes. But I wanted more... always more.
Then Internet porn and online BBS's (the technology people used to communicate before texting and Facebook and MySpace and, and,...) came along and I was hooked on the next picture I could down load and the next "hot-chat" (what it was called before it was called cyber-sex) I could strike up.
I had a great job. She had a great job. We had a lovely daughter. We had great, fun friends. We were living in one of the greatest places on earth, proximate to San Francisco the epicenter of the wild and crazy sex world... and I pissed it all away.
Looking back this is what it must be like to have pissed away a fabulous life/future to coke or any other addiction. I always wondered... didn't they see this coming at them like a fucking freight train? I guess not. I/we escaped the coke addiction but I couldn't/didn't/wouldn't see the sex/porn addiction thing coming at me with all the horns blaring and smoke billowing wheels rumbling. I just kept buying the next best video card and the next fastest modem... 2400, 4800,9600,14400, I was on the bleeding edge here too... I was the first person I know that had an ISDN line in my home. I had one before most internet providers even knew what ISDN was. So for a couple years I was pretty brutally hooked on the cybersex and internet porn. After the ex left I hurt several other lovely women in a similar fashion.
I struggle with the internet porn thing still not to nearly the same degree but when I am angry or frustrated or depressed that is my 'drug' of choice. Now I am able to feel that urge rising and am able to get away from a computer in time, mostly, to avoid it. It really only makes me feel worse about my self and currently I do NOT need any help in that regard I feel plenty shitty all by my self.
For a while I was communicating with a lovely woman here online, she was/is a good friend with honesty and integrity. She pointed out some things that I was still blind to regarding my stuff. I thank her for her honesty.
Recently I have seen many shows on TV regarding internet porn addiction and cybersex addiction and it seems that the medical community is beginning to acknowledge the issue. I hope that some working protocols are developed to help shit heads like me to not be so shitty to their wives and loved ones. I guess that is the cost of being on the bleeding edge of a new sexual frontier. I imagine that when "The Pill" first got here there were plenty of women that got hurt by being on the bleeding edge of being sexually available with out barriers and responsibility of possible children and or abortions.

    So in summery... the breakup of my marriage was due to me being a selfish asshole.

    I see and read so much about others getting caught in that net of internet porn and it makes me sad and afraid for others. It seems that women are the fastest growing segment of population accessing porn on the internet. This sort of reminds me of the days when women "finally" got their own cigarettes... Yippy for them, now they can die just as horribly from heart disease and cancer as men. Now that is real equality. So now they can be just as addicted to porn as men. I wonder that they aren't as ready for this sort of thing. Men have been wallowing in porn stuff for ever, women not so much... at least I don't think so. But like alcohol some people are able to have just a drink and others can not stop at just a drink.

The Word…

Watch your thoughts; they become your words.

Watch your words; they become your actions.

Watch your actions; they become your habits.

Watch your habits; they become your character.

Watch your character; that will become your destiny.

Rosemary’s baby…

I hope that any one reading this recalls that Rosemary had a baby and there was a movie about that event.

So some years ago there was a country song out by Jessica Andrews titled "Who I am". The Chorus goes like this...

I am Rosemary's granddaughter.

The spitting image of my father.

And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan.

Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy.

But I've got friends that love me.

And they know just where I stand.

It's all a part of me.

And that's who I am.

I was listening to this back when it was out and the first two lines really strike me every time I hear them.

So if this woman is Rosemary's granddaughter then she must be the daughter of Rosemary's baby. As I recall Rosemary's baby was possessed of cloven hooves and in all likelihood had horns… as in Satan. That leaves me with this; this is the daughter of Satan. The next line states that she is the spitting image of her father. Now depending on whom you talk to and the situation surrounding your encounter with Satan he, assuming a gender, is either a horribly ugly thing or an impossibly beautiful/handsome being. As I recall that is what got to Satan/Lucifer his pride and his narcissistic tendencies oh and pride. So Whoever Rosemary's granddaughter is could be either ridiculously ugly or painfully beautiful. The next two lines sort of clinch it for me though her momma is her biggest fan… is that another way of saying a face that only a mother could love? And the clueless and clumsy line; Cloven hooves could do that for you. Can you imagine playing High school girls basket ball with cloven hooves for feet? I imagine that she would have to disguise her feet and in all likelihood shave her legs and arms daily and would likely be sporting some ridiculously long and thick sideburns.

wow

occasionally I get really great email

Guilt…

I feel like a little of Jewish man… I harbor so much guilt. I feel like I could power a small city with the energy wasted on it… assuming you could somehow harness that energy.

There is so much guilt around these days.

The ever present for white guys… Privileged White Male Guilt.

Under that is the there is Black and Brown guilt.

The very popular Green guilt.

Under that we have the Recycling guilt. What is recyclable and what is not… It's so darn confusing and too much effort guilt

Electricity guilt. Did I turn off the lights soon enough am I keeping the phone chargers on a power strip and the strip turned off?

Use of oil guilt. I drive a 40 + year old car and it does not get great mileage and is not so very clean burning I am sure… but you will have to kill me to take it from me.

The not driving a Prius guilt.

Green house gas emissions guilt.

The Fur guilt. I don't own one but I like the fur just the same.

Meat guilt. I eat meat Chicken Steak, loves me the Rib Eye, fish.

Employment guilt… not having a real job guilt… not supporting your household like a "man" guilt

Sex guilt. Where do I start with this…

I like the Bigger boobs guilt.

I like looking at naked women guilt

I like the shapely posterior… nice ass (see even have to P.C. that up at first.)

I like the words that surround sex guilt… Pussy, cock, fuck, ass…

I like the kinky sex guilt. This is a very LONG list…

I like the porn guilt

The asking for sex guilt. She is a very busy woman.

The after mess guilt. Read; wetspot guilt

Was it good for you guilt? Do I have to ask… should I ask… crap I asked what a goof…

And the big one… Parental guilt

Was I firm enough guilt?

Was I lenient enough?

Did I get the things that she needed guilt?

Was I there enough for support?

was I detached enough to allow personal growth?

Did I teach good things by example or by counter example?

This list keeps on growing…

The ex…1

The ex… the telling of this is going to be a long and painful and no doubt rambling and winding and often back tracking story of pain and addiction and debauchery on both sides. In the nick of case no one read the fine print at the head of this blog… the part about my being as emotionally stable as a bag of rats in a flaming meth lab… this is where you will come to understand and believe that. Get your barf bags ready. I will break this up over many pieces for readability and to allow me to recall and to write in an unbiased , as much as is possible, way.

This will also give me a way of sorting this out for real in my own head so that I am not beating myself up for imagined stuff and accepting the responsibility for those things that I am guilty of.

Preface; the first. We were high school sweet hearts. She was the school slut and I was the oldest virgin on campus… I am still sure of it. I was messed up about sex even back then. She was Long and lean and easy on the eyes. But she had issues with boys. From her perspective, if she didn't have sex with boys then they wouldn't like her or so she thought. She was smart and a good person. She was, however, abused at some young age by one or more of her mother's boy friends. So she had/s issues. I had issues of Nerdism and suffered from acute Ganglitude compounded by a chronic case of Hormoneitis. (I was 6'3' and way skinny with no self esteem stemming in no small part because I was not the son my father dreamed of having. I didn't want to get up before God and go "Slay the fish," or drink coffee or smoke cigarettes while sitting silently, so as not to scare the afore mentioned illusive and possibly/probably, none-existent, in my thinking because we almost never caught any, because I couldn't sit still enough while freezing or not drinking coffee or, or, or… imaginary fish, in a boat on a lake freezing my ass off when I could be warm and cozy in bed, or watching cartoons or building stuff with my huge cache of Lego's. I could go on but I think that paints the picture well enough for the time being. We were a match made in… where ever they make very volatile, poisonous, toxic, slow acting, neurotoxin time bombs.

It is my sincere belief that she subscribed to the school of thinking that once you had a Boyfriend/fiancé/husband sex stopped. I, on the other hand, was of the school that once "that" door/box, thank you Pandora, is opened you take the hinges off and burn the doors… does the phrase unhinged say anything, I think that paints the picture well enough. I was a late bloomer and I meant to make up for, imagined, lost time… and I have an IMAGINATION!

The ex…0

I was reading this blog post and this one and the commentary left really brought it in to stark relief that I need to write about my ex and my stuff surround that in order to be true and forthcoming. It will paint me in a very unfavorable light I promise. I promise to not sugar coat my stuff. I am trying to be a better person. I read this post where the writer says they are not striving for perfection but to be a excellent example of a human being… crud I would be happy with even a counter-example of a human being… right now I feel like some… well nothing human I assure you.

off the cuff...

I wonder... does God need my help?
Some how I don't think so. Does God need me to help police people and peoples thoughts.
The more I read about the bible and the way and times that it was written the more I wonder; Does God need my help.
I am thinking... This is a God that created something, every thing. So far with all our (human) intellect and wizzy science stuff we can neither create nor destroy any thing... not one tiny thing. God, on the other hand, did, in a single stroke, create all that we can see, all that we can not see, just all that there is.
So any way... the point of this post Gay marriage. (the last time I typed this line the power went out soooo I wonder...) any way I don't think that Gay Marriage in and of its self is a Horrible thing. Why should I stand between two people, any two people, if they want to ruin their lives with a piece of paper from the government/state. I used to be very against Gay Marriage and but that thinking was principally a semantic point for me. I have been beat-up about playing semantic games before. I didn't like the idea of Gay Marriage because Marriage, in my mind is/was a religious thing... see the Rant alert post (quite a ways down for the gist of that thinking). But on other issues where religion thinking/ideals pushes against human needs/rights (Abortion) is it my place to stand for God in those places? At one level I think so and another I think not so... hence the question... Does God need my help? This brings up a couple lines from the bible... am I my brother's keeper? I don't recall the precise wording but the idea that if you are only lukewarm then you are not appealing to God and he will spit you out like you might spit out so much ummm... splooge.
I suppose that drags up the whole separation of church and state question and that is WAAAAY more than I bargained for at the beginning of this post.

I really thought...

I thought with all the weirdness you can find on the internet I would find this tattoo.
Written on some Gothic script or other up the inside of a woman's thighs separated by her Ladies Business (LB)
"Abandon all hope (LB) ye who enter here." or possibly on her butt cheeks. I was even going to try to Photoshop-ed something like it together... I spent way too much time looking at Ladies Business pictures trying to find the appropriate L.B. conformation to make the statement. I did not find such a picture. Oh well.
I don't suppose that I would have posted it though even if I had found it.

sigh...

I saw this today.
Does this mean what I think it means?
I saw it here. Third from the top.

breasts

I have formulated this ratio... Breasts in the public, that is to say clothed and "holstered" in a brazier are about 80 percent brazier and 20 percent breast.

In general breasts in a bra bare no relation to breasts out of a bra. General speaking cleavage is a bra created phenomenon. There are so many styles of bras and accessories for bras to change or more appropriately enhance breasts as to be staggering. There is the high lift "push up bra" the Water Bra with the little pouch of water hidden in the cups, the Wonderbra apparently conceived on a cad scope somewhere using 137 different panels for the construction of the cups, the padded bra then there is the little chicken cutlet silicon thingies you can buy to slip in to the bra. There is breast tape... the list goes on and on. It seems to easy to have great looking breasts in a bra why then do I see so many women with... ummm.... well... err... bad looking breasts in a bra. The obvious is the bra that is too small and squeezes the breast out the top or the bottom of the cup. I am sorry ladies Boob Splooge is not attractive. The bra that is too large around and fails to support the breast at all leaving it looking like a pita bread with some filling spilling over the top. The bra that is too tight around the chest which causes more of the muffin phenomenon ala tight hip hugger pants. There is the bra that is really just a bra in name only it does nothing what-so-ever for the breast in either support or modesty coverage. These typically allow the nipple to show rather freely. I am unsure how I feel about that. On the face of it I like it plenty... but then it makes me uncomfortable wondering if the woman knows she has her high beams blinding people. And what if she finds out what is she going to do? I imagine there are women who like the idea. I suppose there is sort of nothing to do about it really. I have seen the little silicon nipple inserts for bras. I saw one woman who looked like she could lean up against a half inch plate glass window and cut holes in it. In some communities bras are less worn by women. These are the same communities that don't have too big a market for ladies razors either. I have seen some guys who look like they could benefit from wearing a bra. Bras cover up a multitude of different breast shapes and sizes and homogenize them. I wonder if there are Bra Spotters, like Train Spotters. Guys who are so keen eyed that they can say She is wearing a Maidenform in style X size 34 C or a Bally or a Victoria's Secret or Playtex.

issues of compatibility…

I think that sexual compatibility is the most critical component of compatibility that can be measured. I say measured, I don't know how to measure such a thing but I imagine there are points of compatibility that can be measured or assessed. Are you a kinky person, like porn, and role playing sex games? Or are you a person that thinks kinky is being seen naked in the day light, does not like porn and finds role playing games a ridiculous waste of time and energy? Those two people are likely not compatible. So unless these two are willing to move toward each other in their sexual predilections their relationship is not going to meet the needs of either partner for long.

Sex is unique in the spectrum of human interactive participation… mostly. I say that because there are certainly people that fall outside the scope of the ideas that I am writing about here. In a relationship each partner meets the needs of the other mostly. But in the case that the husband (or the wife) likes to play golf and wife does not then the wife cannot inhibit the husband's freedom to play golf. The husband is welcome to play golf in groups, pairs of foursomes… or more I guess. I don't play golf. The groups might be mixed they might not. The husband is welcome to take magazines about golf. He is likely to buy the accessories to play the game, clubs, bag cart-thing, balls, tees the usual stuff. He might troll the internet looking for more specific tools, accessories, apparatus, videos or books to help improve his swing, posture, grip or concentration. The husband might hire a professional to teach him some of the finer points of the game to help improve his game. That professional is likely to physically touch him in the course of coaching him. In general all this is just fine with the wife assuming that it all falls within the household budget and the time away doesn't leave the wife feeling rejected and alone because he is gone every weekend for hours and hours.

The same ideas apply to a relationship if one partner wants to pursue a hobby in a band, they might even play at local bars or fairs or other social events if they are any kind of good. Again the band might be a mixed group with a woman lead singer or... Or the wife might have a desire for sport bike riding. She is certainly going to buy a motorcycle for this, likely a nice and likely fast one with a good helmet and a husband does not want his wife all covered up with road rash so a leather riding suit is in order. She might go for Track time to learn more about cornering and breaking she will certainly be riding with a bunch of guys. Most anything you can name is ok outside the confines of the relationship if one doesn't care for the activity and the other does. Cooking classes, bicycling, gardening, playing cards, Olympic training the list is just about limitless as long as sex is not involved as the principal activity. An Olympic athlete might be getting massages from an opposite sex masseuse but as therapy that is likely ok.

But when it comes to sex, the brakes lock up, all the crap in the house, err, I mean car, flies through the air, the tires squeal and smoke and everything comes to an abrupt halt. I meant that metaphorically of course. And there are some mitigating circumstances and special negotiated relationships and special people that allow this sort of thing and I don't mean by my choice of words that I am somehow looking down on those individuals. I applaud them for their boundary pushing and courage to explore that realm of relational activity. I was there once… it didn't work for me.

So if the wife of or the husband decides to pursue a sex life as a hobby or a sport outside the marriage that frequently ends the marriage and costs half of the household stuff one way or the other. Just "read the papers". The 'Headlines' are replete with Governors and Mayors and Sports figures and Celebrities of all walks that think that they can get away with it. Just ask Tiger Woods how it worked out for him. In general neither the wife nor the husband is allowed to have sex with another or in groups. They are not allowed to seek coaching from a 'professional' outside the relationship to "improve their game". Certainly medical issues are outside the scope of this post. Some things are sort of tolerated though. Buying magazines is generally tolerated, with an eye roll, Playboy for men, Cosmo for women. Buying sex toys is gaining in popularity, YIPPY! I love me the sex toys. And the sex toys of today are a quantum leap forward from the old ivory colored plastic vibrator of years gone by Let me tell you. I used to make my own because they were too ridiculous to even consider driving to "that side of town to one of those stores". Porn seems to be becoming more widely accepted by women. But any and all of this is subject to approval on the part of both individuals in the relationship which is why it is, in my opinion, vital that they be sexually compatible. Otherwise these little "foibles" have to be kept secret and hidden. In most cases, though, these sorts of things don't stay secret or hidden for long. Musical compatibility, books, food, TV all this can be negotiated, accepted and even appreciated… Sex not as much. If you are predisposed to be a kinky because of early exposure or trauma it doesn't matter, that is who you are and no amount of counseling or treatment is going to change that. It is deeply interwoven into your psyche. I believe sexual proclivities are a level of "traited-ness" one step up from your sexual identity as male or female. Your partner will have to accept and embrace that about you because that is not style trait like music or fashion or sports fandom. It is a deeply seated personality trait and It's not an easily changed aspect of who you are as a person and nor do I believe it should it be called for in a loving and close relationship. That is the sort of thing that should be learned about early on in a relationship so that both parties can make an informed decision about life with the other. I find that the notion of being virgins on your wedding night to be a noble pursuit but not very smart in the overall scope of living a life time together. Who knows what sexual 'skeletons' are likely to pop up and you just know they are going to pop up. I know you have heard the stories of the wife or husband figuring out that they are gay or lesbian or even opposite sex trapped in the wrong body after having lived half a life in a marriage. I don't think I could deal with that so very well. Somehow I "think" that women could deal with that a bit better but this is just me projecting my belief, or more likely my desire to believe, that women are inherently bisexual at some level. I await your letters of outrage and condemnation. But I would have to claim that Porn did that to me… no, I am just kidding… not really… no really.

All that said, It is also vital that you stay sexually compatible with your partner and communicate any changes that start to develop over the years. If you are inhibited from the beginning you are even less likely to communicate changes that occur as time goes by until you are signed up for that sex change and boarding a flight to Thailand to finally meet Dr. Tsu.

Sex and the abyssal of Hell

For me sex is a great and wonderful thing. I imagine it is like that for most people but… for some people it is an addictive thing. Like most any other thing, alcohol or video games or work people can balance that into their live in a healthy way. Some people can not… I can not. If I am left to my own devices I will sit and pursue sex in every way imaginable. I will troll for sex chat at the Yahoo Messenger, I will sit and design then build sex toys, I will troll porn typically starting with artistic nudes and winding up looking at the "farm channel". I would burn down megabit after megabit in down loads of webcam and posted videos. I would sit and read sex blogs endlessly. I would have accounts on most every dating site there is but more likely the more pervy ones… you get the picture.

I found this out the hard way some time ago. I left my sweety and did that what you see above and more. One night I was in a Yahoo messenger chat with who knows what and chatting things that disgusted even me but I was in it till the end… a 3:00 am end, with a 6:00 am wake up time for work. It was at that moment that I realized I had done that for the last three nights in a row and didn't see it stopping any time soon. This was "too" much fun!

The picture that came to mind was me sitting in the front row of the balcony section at a theater with no wall or railing in front and no theater either just the fiery abyss of hell reaching up to me.

… from the previous post… I seem to have a weak sex braking mechanism.

Re-wiring

How porn can re-wire your brain… short term and long term.

In the short term I noticed one day after an afternoon of watching porn, some good some crappy, that I went into the world with a skewed view of things. I went to the Home Depot and when checking out with a rather attractive woman checker I found these thoughts running through my mind… Wow I wonder what she looks like naked. Is that a pucker in her shirt or are those her way large hard nipples. Are her nipples hard because she thinks I am hot? Is she going to ask me if she can suck me or me to suck her. And the thoughts all raced through my mind with appropriate video accompaniment of the imagined possible scenes. I kept waiting while she was ringing me out… then the credits… "Have a nice day and thank you for shopping the Home Depot"… Nothing… what a letdown.

Long term: it can give you a twisted view of what sex and lovemaking can or should be like. On occasion Hot steamy sex can be this way but in general it is not. These are paid professionals with proper lighting, direction, make up, proper shot angles and most of all editing. It can also fill your head with a lot of things that don't translate into reality very well. All those slick exotic positions look new and exciting on camera but a steady diet of that sort of thing… you had better be a yoga practitioner. Most of these women are more limber than most because that is their job Most of these guys look great because they are paid to. When you are paid to sit at a desk and file reports or some such you have to make time to go to the gym and PAY to look like that. Similarly these situations while sexy and fantasy stuff are not likely to be what you really want. No woman wants to be raped… but the notion of being so attractive to a man that he "loses control" and must have you now is an attractive one. And the idea of a recently unemployed 20 something building contractor stud showing up at a Cougar party with "pizza delivery" is interesting but I don't see Cougars sitting around eating pizza. They hang out in Martini bars.

There is a scene in one of my ALL time favorite movies, "BrainStorm" where a lab assistant has made a loop of an orgasm scene and apparently has been locked in his basement playing this looped bit of 'tape' for what sounds like three days. When he has the 'helmet' removed he is crushed by the return to reality. The subsequent difficulties have him being discharged and put in disability of "…inderterminent duration". In effect he had some sort of psychotic episode in connection with this event. At a certain level I believe that this is possible watching porn movies for some people. They get hooked their minds get re-wired to desire the notions and the ideas and the sex in porn but it is just not reality. I believe that it can become difficult thing to keep the two separate for some people. Perhaps not keeping them separated but keeping an understanding about what a real sex life is about and what porn is and wanting that level of a sex life with no consideration for work or chores or children or the desires of my partner or this or that or the other. I think I am one of these people.

I have said this many many times and I still believe it; if you and your partner are equally interested in porn then it can possibly work, but if one is and the other is not I believe porn will become a source of friction that will be difficult to overcome in a relationship. Similarly if you don't have some psychological braking mechanism in your head about porn, it can take you down the path that cocaine and meth and crack can take you down. If you keep watching and keep watching it desensitizes you to what comes next, the next big thrill. But I know that there are some people who can watch porn and not be "hooked". Just like there are peop-le who can have A glass of wine in the evening without drinking the whole bottle then moving to the Vodka. This is why I label myself as a sex addict. I have often wondered what goes on in the heads of people who start using coke and then windup snorting their possessions and their families, their health and their lives away. Didn't they see any of this coming at them? At some point didn't they say Damn that boat I just sold, to pay for my coke habit, was the last straw… NO MORE!