Spoiler Alerts

    If you like these songs don't read further... Save a horse Ride a CowBoy by Big and Rich, Who's Your Daddy by Toby Keith


    So I loves me the country music. Mostly good stories but these two bother me.
So first
Save a Horse... the song is about some cowboy who comes to town to get laid. But his Cowboy reputation gets in the way.

    "My Cowboy reputation had me begging for Salvation all night long"... squigly little fiddle bit.
He has to work over time to get this girl into bed.

    "I took her out giggin' frogs introduced her to my old bird dog and sung her ever Willey Nelson song I could think of ... and we made love...".

    But then as more or less predicted by his cowboy reputation he leaves her and heads back to town to find another girl to woo and dump...

"... and I saddle up my horse and I ride into the city...."




    Next "Who's your daddy?" The song is all about some sort "Pimp" kind of a guy and some girl who is down on her luck possibly some sort of coke whore broke and alone because all the college guys have all gone home for the summer and now she is knocking on this guys door for something. It turns out that this something is money for which he is willing to exchange for her honey. I think we all know what is going on here.

Here you come knockin’ on my door baby
Tell me what you got on your mind
I guess those college boys all went home for the summertime
And you’re lookin’ right, lookin’ good, lookin’ like a woman should
So why is it so hard to find
A place to lay your pretty little head down once in a while
You run on a little tough luck baby
Don’t you sweat it
Everything is waiting inside for you
You know I got it
Come and get it

Who’s your daddy, who’s your baby?
Who’s your buddy, who’s your friend?

And who’s the one guy that you come runnin’ to
When your love-life starts tumblin’?
I got the money if you got the honey
Let’s cut a deal let’s make a plan



 Lets not even talk about "Mack the Knife" by Bobby Darin

The Word…

Watch your thoughts; they become your words.

Watch your words; they become your actions.

Watch your actions; they become your habits.

Watch your habits; they become your character.

Watch your character; that will become your destiny.

Rosemary’s baby…

I hope that any one reading this recalls that Rosemary had a baby and there was a movie about that event.

So some years ago there was a country song out by Jessica Andrews titled "Who I am". The Chorus goes like this...

I am Rosemary's granddaughter.

The spitting image of my father.

And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan.

Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy.

But I've got friends that love me.

And they know just where I stand.

It's all a part of me.

And that's who I am.

I was listening to this back when it was out and the first two lines really strike me every time I hear them.

So if this woman is Rosemary's granddaughter then she must be the daughter of Rosemary's baby. As I recall Rosemary's baby was possessed of cloven hooves and in all likelihood had horns… as in Satan. That leaves me with this; this is the daughter of Satan. The next line states that she is the spitting image of her father. Now depending on whom you talk to and the situation surrounding your encounter with Satan he, assuming a gender, is either a horribly ugly thing or an impossibly beautiful/handsome being. As I recall that is what got to Satan/Lucifer his pride and his narcissistic tendencies oh and pride. So Whoever Rosemary's granddaughter is could be either ridiculously ugly or painfully beautiful. The next two lines sort of clinch it for me though her momma is her biggest fan… is that another way of saying a face that only a mother could love? And the clueless and clumsy line; Cloven hooves could do that for you. Can you imagine playing High school girls basket ball with cloven hooves for feet? I imagine that she would have to disguise her feet and in all likelihood shave her legs and arms daily and would likely be sporting some ridiculously long and thick sideburns.

Happy Shiny people?

The Christian view of humanity confounds me. Many people find solace there but I do not. Throughout the bible humanity is a foul and lithesome thing subject to all manner of failings, sin and vice and corruption and well there are seven sins that top the list and everything sort of follow those in the list to some degree or another

But so the point of this is that we are, all of us, just little semi-self-contained chemical reactions running around. Some of us have better plumbing/’wiring’ in our heads which is to say that some peoples thoughts and thought processes are more squared away than others. I am not among this group. My thoughts and thought processes are so screwed up as to be… umm frightening. I saw this Craig Ferguson show (I love his show) where he had no audience it was an interview style show with Stephen Fry they were discussing this sort of thing. Steven Fry is a distinguished gentleman. They were discussing the idea of being at a party and looking at all the other beautiful people in attendance. Contemplating how nice and tidy their lives must be. How outwardly they seem so ‘pretty and shiny’ and polished their minds must be the same. Then they postulated that perhaps those very same people were looking upon them… Craig and his guest and thinking the very same thing. Craig and his guest were sort of laughing at the very notion because they knew the ‘ugly’ truth.

So back to the Christian view. But so if we are all just so ‘ugly’ and sinful, depraved and reprobate… how is it possible to have any self worth or self confidence or respect or esteem or keep from flinging yourself off a tall tall structure of some sort? I fight those voices a lot… only there is no tall anything around here except mountains and they are too gently sloped to provide enough free-fall velocity to deliver sufficient impact to insure a good quick departure. I am a chicken I want out but I don’t want to hurt doing it. When I read about how some people take accidental drug combinations that deliver sweet release… I wonder…

noise polution

I thought the city was noisy... Living in the country is even more noisy. I have Hundreds of Canadian Geese flying over head honking and squakijng as they go. There must be Ten Thousand frogs in the irrigation ditch all croaking and what ever else they do at the top of their lungs and little bloaty throat sacks. On any given day there can be hundreds of little birds, Robins or small black birds all chirping away... There is an authentic Hooting Owl now and just tonight there a bunch of wild turkeys taken up residence some where near by... and they don't get along with the geese so very well... The Turf wars are noisy. There is also the fire season coming up and the fire suppression helicopters are flying in and sucking up water form the ponds at regular intervals. These are not small helicopters either. I am talking about the Ginormous Sky Crane helicopters.

rant alert…

Back story… I wrote a previous post but it was heavily self censored because as I said it was not coming out in print as well as it was intended. It sounded so profound, but I suspect that it was more of a 'laboratory' profundity than a profundity that could hold up under the weight of the real world.

A reader called me on what was clearly a less than authentic or well executed post and this was my response to her in an email. She encouraged me to post it here. I was a bit concerned about that in as much as it was in an email and I don't know all the ethical rules regarding posts and emails and all that. So here it is… Oh and I did include her comment for understanding of some of the references to stew and I did Dr. it up some for spelling and readability and the like.

This is the comment

Big Geek, it seems like you are playing fast and loose with the semantics of wording.

Acceptance; noun: a disposition to tolerate or accept people or situations.

Tolerance; noun: willingness to recognize and respect the beliefs or practices of others.

I do not believe we are a melting pot at all. If you were to take several different metals and melt them down, the characteristics of those individual metals can no longer be distinguished. They are all blended together.

With people when acceptance and tolerance is used to appreciate the cultural differences between people we are more like a stew. Everyone still seen as individuals appreciating our own cultures and religious beliefs but each new person enhances the flavor and injects all new perspective to the dish.

So pour a glass of white or red wine and enjoy the stew!

This is my response: I have to say I am a little nervous about this... I was informed that she is going to re-comment on it because she love being challenged... I don't know if I should get some Preparation H or Aloe Vera for this.

Quite possibly you are right.

Like I said... it sounded so much better in my head while I was thinking about it than when I got it written out.

I used the Melting pot phrase in as much as it is a phrase that is thrown around all the time. I am not a fan of the phrase myself. It's too "quaint" (I think is the right way to explain how I feel about it.)

I should say that the post was leaning toward what you are about to read, assuming that you choose to read it, but I deleted the bulk of it several times and tried to just state the basic premise with no tonality and color painting. But this is just a whitewashing of the same old problems anyway, so as I said at the very end... never mind.

Now for the RANT

I think that too often cultural differences cause friction and tension that manifests itself in hate crimes and racism and whatever other bad result that comes to mind because so often there is no acceptance of differences. I imagine that religion is a part of it, but anymore everyone seems to be so touchy about their right to Not be offended any more. (See side bar warning) Somehow everone thinks "I have the right to... Insert cause here". There is no responsibility any more to the culture or the society it's all about ME. No one is willing to tolerate anything anymore. Everyone wants their apologies public, meaningless as they are.

The Shiites and the Sunnis and the Kurdish will, in my opinion, never get along with each other and by extension with the rest of the world because they are deeply steeped in their religion. How huge was the up roar over the Danish Comic strip? How often is Jesus slammed, shammed, defiled, mocked,satirized or displayed in an aquarium of urine? Does anyone die over that, did any one burn anything? I don't even think there was a law suit brought by any one. Before you say this about that I know that the wackjob Christian Fundamentalists blow up abortion clinics and that is hate full in the extreme and the Federal building thing in Oklahoma. Fundamentalist religious people are susceptible to that sort of thinking, but somehow I don't recall reading in the bible anywhere, where Jesus says to kill thy neighbor if their theology is mixed up or an irreverent cartoon is drawn by some none believer, and I never read any where Thou shalt blow things up? In general that was supposed to be left to God. "Vengeance is mine sayth the Lord", I think is the line.

This whole diatribe was a result of some news story I heard, about tolerance and quite frankly I have heard enough regarding how we all need to 'tolerate' this or that... shoot now I don't even recall the story. But the world is full of stories where in some "minority" feels slighted, diminished, ridiculed or oppressed somehow and EVERYONE has to accommodate their new "taste contribution" to the stew, especially the Muslims right now. It aggravates me no end that a Muslim family can take a School to court to force a first grade girl to stop using her "Winnie the Poo and Piglet Too" lunch box because there is a Muslim girl in her class who is twisted out of shape about seeing the pig on the lunch box. Unarguably Winnie the Poo and Piglet Too have been a part of American tradition for many decades and is a children's favorite. I still have my daughters Winnie The Poo bed sheets. Sears Makes Plenty of money on that franchise which implies that it is a Huge part of American traditional school age up bringing... but now suddenly Piglet is no longer tolerable because some "new" flavor has been added to the stew, which in my opinion renders the stew bitter and unpalatable, bordering on inedible.

It is my fervent belief that if you decide to move to America you should understand what it is you are signing up for. If you have a belief/idea/thought that is outside the norm it is YOU who has to do the tolerating not the rest of the world around YOU. And if you have a belief that is illegal in this country I feel that if You are moving here and want to BE here You should be resigned to give that up... ritual sacrifice and the like. If you move to any other country in the world, Mexico for example, You have to learn Their language. The Mexican government is not going to have English speaking teachers for your kids so they can understand what is being taught. The Mexican Government is not going to provide you with Korean, Vietnamese, Chinese, Brazilian, Ecuadorian, Honduran or any other of the two dozen or more languages that our government prints driver's license paperwork. YOU better have your papers on you and in order every minute of every day because if you do not and are picked up for even the slightest infraction, even if the infraction is imagined and NOT real you are... well unpleasantness shall befall you in a great hurry and relief is not coming in great hurry. The same conditions exist in any other nation on the planet. I am DOUBLE sure that is the case for EVERY Muslim country like say Saudi Arabia and I am Triply sure about Iran! I happen to know about Korea and Algeria... do not get sideways with those law enforcement agencies!

In the past when you moved to America you wanted to be an American and all that comes with it. You wanted to embrace the culture the holidays including Christmas, the work ethic, the language and… well all else that comes with being an American. If you were going to add your flavor to the stew you didn't do it by JAMMING it down the throats of your neighbors with legal action at every turn. This very much spoils the stew and leaves a bitter taste on everybody's pallet. If you want your heritage on display or preserved You opend a restaurant or a shop or have a festival celebrating Your cultural heritage by INVITING people to Participate. ***I say all that...about the America typified by the industrial age beginning shortly after we finally did away with the natives that were here LONG before we hit the Rock at Plymouth to make some beer because we ran out of water on the boat. Another rant for another time.***

The whole gay rights thing another area where "Tolerance" is called for/demanded. It is something that I am softening up on rather quickly. I have read the bible and So far as I recall there was only one reference to homosexuality, and it was strictly speaking not a very direct reference. I was anti gay marriage for a long time, hanging my belief on the idea that Marriage is a religious thing and that the bible and by extension God was anti gay-ness... I don't see that so black and white any more. And marriage is principally a government sponsored thing anymore anyway. You just have look at the divorce rate to see that. It's been said that Gay people should be able to share in the heart break and misery of divorce as much as anyone else. In general Marriage has become a meaningless institution anymore any way. Which is a shame because many people take it very seriously but not from a religious point of view… I don't think.

SOOoooo...I was trying to change, somehow, the reference to "Tolerance" because in my mind to "tolerate" something is to put up with no recognition or acceptance of differences or respect of any kind because you are forced to by some outside influence, law or threat of harm or terror, to put up with the situation.

When I look up Tolerate I find words like endure and discomfort and bear all of which imply the idea that you would much rather NOT be tolerating this whatever IT is. Tolerate has a much more of a negative connotation and or distasteful word in my opinion. (color painting)

When I look up accept I find words like willingly, approval, favorable all of which implies that this is a softer more fitting/hopeful word for this situation. Accept has a much more positive connotation, again, just my opinion. (more color painting)

But again in the final analysis it was just a whitewashing of this idea/concept any way. It was my feeble attempt to say that if we explained our differences to, say, Osama B. that he would say "OH now I get it, So you're not the Devil. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, lets have a beer on me... sorry about the whole Trade Towers thing. I had no idea that would happen. I really got my moneys worth out of that little joke didn't I, never mind then." and turn himself in for trial. Aint a gonna happen.

And again like I said at the head of this thing and the post... it sounded so much more profound while I was thinking about it than after I got it written... same with this I guess.

Thank you for calling me on this... It forces me to think through more thoroughly the ideas.

Big Geek.

I heard to day...

I heard some one say "Close the door... were you raised in a barn?

Being who I am it occurred to me that if you were raised in a barn you would be scrupulous about closing the door. In all likely hood if you left the barn door open ever you would get your ass kicked for it.

Then it occurred to me that perhaps they used the wrong phrase there

screen saving and desk tops

I don't really pay too much attention to peoples desktops. But the other day I started noticing them. It started when I was walking through the office of a place where I am working and the woman at the front desk... crud I don't even know what all she does she seems to do every thing, has a big splashy picture of what would appear to be a bamboo hut next to a palm tree on a white sandy beach somewhere nowhere.

I my self do not have a back ground. I have a black screen. The icons don't get lost in the pictures and the colors seem brighter that way. Similarly I have just a black screen saver. No splashy aquariums or 3D pipes snaking themselves around the screen, just blank black scren. I have thought about captureing some scarry "Blue Screen Of Death" shot and using that to freak people out. But that really doesn't save the screen so no on that.

What does this say about me?

stuff

First up; I am listening to the Bob and Tom radio show on occasion. The have "hipped" me to theses to funny websites.

Texts from Last night

and

It was over when...

Next; I was trolling my favorite blog and she appears to have set up remote surveillance in my head. She was describing the 'voices' in her head. I was floored when I read on her blog the words of the voices in my head. It was a chilling experience. I could not believe it. The "not good enough", "the failure", "the fraud" it was uncanny. I often wonder how it is that no one else can hear what goes on in my head. The voice, that inner voice, is so loud, so constant so critical. I constantly wonder when some one is going to figure me out and then all the cards will fall and that will be that and I will live out my days under a bridge somewhere.
I think that being unemployed for so long is making this worse.
I am hopeful about two opportunities but I can feel it coming, the We figured you out. We heard the Voices, don't call here again.

...rules of engagment

OOPPS!!!
I thought there was a forward here about where I found this "manual". did not write this list. I am however a Master of most, I thought I invented many and the rest seemed just so obvious.


How to f*** up

1. Lie. This is basic and effective. To maximize bad results, lie
about something important to the other person(s) and arrange to be
caught in the lie in such a way as to produce maximum shock.
Additional stress points awarded for keeping the lie going for a while
before discovery, which increases the disorientation and sense of
betrayal in the deceived person(s). Lying about sex gets double
points. Lying about being married gets triple f***-up
points. Creative lies of omission (i.e. "not telling") with fancy
rationalizations and condescension get gold stars.

2. Avoid self-knowledge. This is more elegant than strategy 1, as it
combines a bold sweep of denial with sorties of distraction aimed at
oneself. This tactic is most effective when combined with tactics 3
and 4. Self-destructive or addictive behavior has also been found
very effective in avoiding self-knowledge by our researchers. When
combined with an endearing attitude of helplessness, this strategy has
been proven efficacious in attracting "rescuers" or "white knights" on
whom one can then practice strategies 4 and 3, in that order.

3. Blame the other person(s). If anything went wrong, hey, it must be
their fault, right? This eliminates the need for messy things like
communication and negotiation, which can be embarrassing, particularly
if one is using strategy 2.

4. Disclaim responsibility. This is a little more complex than
strategy 3, and often includes what is referred to as "codependency".
The classic way to play this strategy is to cater to the partner(s)
involved while repressing one's own desires and questions. This
allows a good head of resentment to build up, and one can justify
anger by saying one has done so *much* for one's partner(s) and gets
no thanks, etc. In its most refined state, this strategy makes the
other person(s) responsible for setting the direction, pace and
content of the relationship, for which one can them blame them if
one's own expectations or needs are not met. Using strategy 2 to
avoid knowledge of these expectations and needs gets double points.

5. Push. This is an art, albeit a crude one. When augmented with
strategy 6, pushing can achieve spectacular negative results in even a
short time. Remember, when pushing, only *your* satisfaction counts!
It's a dog eat dog world, and you're a pit bull. Emotional and mental
bullying can be as satisfying as old-fashioned physical coercion, and
not nearly as easily prosecutable.

6. Play on insecurity. This is an old favorite. Using sexual
insecurity as a weapon and combining this with strategy 5 is a
four-star winner. Attempting to control one's partner(s) by
manipulating them through their insecurities is a sure-fire f***-up
tactic. It's so much more delicate than simply beating them up, too,
though the resultant emotional damage can be remarkably similar.

7. Avoid intimacy. This may seem paradoxical; after all, we're
talking about getting up-close and personal with as many hot bi babes
-- er, ahem -- we're discussing achieving satisfyingly close
relationships with a number of people, right? The trick of avoiding
intimacy can be performed in several ways, but the easiest is to
confuse intimacy with "rubbing slippery bits together". Substitute
the words "sex" and "love" for each other often in conversations.
Repeat the mantra, "If you loved me, you'd know what I want."
Practice strategy 8 assiduously, supplementing it with strategy 2.
According to the needs of the moment, figure out whether action or
words are more likely to be ambiguous or misconstrued, and go with
what gives you the most plausible deniability later. Some
exceptionally talented individuals manage to give the impression of
being intimate while successfully remaining stone-cold. Study sales
techniques for pointers. People with good "lines" fall into this
category, especially if the lines include explanations of how they
truly *value* the other person.

8. Don't talk. Talking has been known to lead to communication if
practiced carelessly. Communication will seriously impair your
f***-up progress, and in certain cases will halt or reverse it
entirely. If you *must* talk, use clichés and quotations from popular
songs as much as possible, or fall back on strategy number 1.
If all else fails, make a safer-sex agreement with your partner(s) and
then break it, contracting a communicable disease about which you do
not then tell them. Double points for avoiding all discussion or
negotiation of sexual matters entirely so that the "agreement" is
wishful thinking and completely deniable. For a coup de grace, add
strategy 6 and tell them it wouldn't have happened if they had been
satisfying you like they were supposed to.

9. For the ultimate metaf***-up, remain technically faithful to your
partner while breaking the spirit of whatever agreement you have
whenever possible, keeping this knowledge bottled up to ensure maximum
fear, shame and resentment. Some people win the grand prize with the
figleaf-and-stinging-nettle cluster for self-inflicted suffering and
wasted potential by managing to keep this strategy up until death do
them part, concealing from their spouse the fact that they have been
shamming happiness all these years.

Today

Today the sun came out for the first time in weeks. But it came out in a strange way and caused an interesting thing to happen. The fog didn't burn off from the top like usual. It moved back horizontally I guess you might say, south to north. My back yard was totally shrouded in fog but the front of the house was clear. It was a creepy science fiction horror movie kind of feeling. It sort of reminded me of a time when I lived in Hawaii. On one side of the street it was pouring rain, torrential rain heavy, and the other side of the street was dry. I could walk into and out of the rain like stepping into and out of a shower. So any way this fog push back caused a very localized hail "storm". There is a tall redwood tree in the side yard. Redwood tree bows are designed so as to 'scrub' fog moisture out of the air and drop it to the ground to water the tree. This scrubbing and the fact that I haven't seen the sun for about two weeks due to the fog and the 28 degree temperatures apparently created lots of tiny icicles in the bows. When the fog cleared back and exposed the tree to the sun, the sun warmed the icicles causing them to fall creating a tiny localized hail storm. Very cool, confusing at first, but very cool.

The land that time forgot

I live in the land that time forgot. Most fall morning are thick with fog but when as it begins to burn off there are places of clarity it here and there giving it that mist shrouded prehistoric look. The back drop is a mountain that rises very steeply. The top is ringed with an escarpment of vertically pushed up cliff faces, very dramatic. It has the appearance of being very tall; disappearing into the clouds added to that the Great Blue herons flying around that look remarkably like the pterodactyls slow moving and gliding.

Sex Rehab

So recently I was watching a recorded Mythbusters. After the Mythbusters was over there was a bit of the next show recorded. It was a show about Pompeii. We have all heard about Pompeii and Vesuvius and how the town was buried in an instant preserving a snap shot of the life and times of an ancient Roman city. A horribly terrifying snapshot but a snapshot none the less. I say that because the people are all couched and hiding from the Dragons and Tigers oh my… (Crouching tiger hidden dragon reference) No no no never mind that… the pyroclastic flow that buried the city. They none of them looked any sort of happy about it except possibly those who were at that very moment about to commit suicide. So any way I have seen and heard the story about Pompeii a million times and had no interest in the million and first time. But just as the recording was about to end there came a bit of extreme interest… Did you know that Pompeii was a seething hot bed of lust, sex and debauchery? I did not know this. It seems that in order to get funding for the excavation of the city they had to keep this aspect of the citizen's lives and times off the record so as not to offend the… somebodys who I don't know but seem easily offended by such things. So… but I saw this little leading bit and wanted to see more. So while I was looking up shows using keywords "sex" and "Pompeii" I came across the "Celebrity Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew Lipinski" show on VH1. I came across a lot of other interesting titles too but. It's a series. And apparently Dr. Drew has done several "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew Lipinski shows"; Drugs, Alcohol and the like. The 'celebrity's' are not so very celebrated though. A more apt descriptor would be celebrityesque. But their problems look and sound real. I identified with much of what they are going through. It seems that this is the first time a Sex Rehab show has been done. I naturally thought maybe I better watch this; in the nick of case there are nuggets of good usable information that could help me with my issues. I know that sounds like the old line… "I am just buying 'it' for the articles dear", but I am seriously interested and not for the titillation factor. Though, I have to say for a show about sex addiction I think the choices of editing and advertising are a bit lacking in sound judgment. There was a KY Intense commercial and some of the inmates/patients dress VERY provocatively. I imagine this to be out of habit more than anything else and perhaps that is their only wardrobe. There was a "chapter" about the women's makeup and the "mask" they put on, so perhaps the clothing thing will be addressed also. But I have to say that full breasted women wondering the hallways without braziers and wearing only a thin fabric muumuu in what must be a refrigerated treatment facility is counterproductive to those who watch for the "right" reasons. There have been a couple comments from the male inmates about this sort of attire. But I don't think they are going to scream foul too loud of too long. Perhaps as the show goes on the women will come to see the effect they are having and become more modest about such things and change to more appropriate attire for such a co-ed treatment. Perhaps the Dr.'s will sort that kind of thing out. And if the guys truly have any integrity about getting better they will say something. I will watch for that to determine if this is for real "reality" or scripted "reality".

There was a show on daytime TV some years ago called "Starting Over". I found that show interesting and somewhat helpful. Principally for bringing up things to think about in ways I had not before. It also gave Us, my Lovely fiancé' and I, things to talk about regarding who we are as people and who we are in our relationship. This Dr. Drew show seems to follow that model. And I am hopeful that I will learn something and that my lovely fiancé' will learn and understand more about my issue as well. That last thing is something I am very much hope for.

I have to say the line below is the way I was going to open this post… which in my estimation sort of hides the true nature of how I came to be watching this show which I think would be a lie and a deception on my part about this issue for me. I think that hiding even little details that preserve an appearance of non-addictedness on my part is counterproductive in my effort to understand and deal with and ultimately control this in me.

So recently I am trolling the TV for stuff to watch and as I am surfing up the dial I stumble across the Celebrity Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew Lipinski. Oh my, says I, what sort of crap is this going to be…

Random stuff

New feature… good day / bad day… why

My Mom called yesterday to comment on the heat wave we are experiencing. I said in stark contrast to the usual weather you have. She lives in the desert south west. They not infrequently see temps out to 117. We batted the heat thing back and forth and at some point she issues this line, "I feel so blessed when it's only 100 degrees". Only 100 degrees! Poop!

I try not to complain about the weather. I ride a motorcycle, and… well part of the deal you sign up for when riding is the weather can't stop you. (I have been told that its just my attitude; trying to be a Macho Biker Dude Rider Tough guy.)Having said that, I have found that since I do own a car my lower end limit on temperature for riding is about 26 degrees F. 28 is totally ok but when it squeezes down to 26… there is something magic about that number that causes pain. Maybe it's psychological, I don't know. I do know this though about riding in the cold; if there is any humidity in the air it will collect on your face shield and your jacket in the form of ice. It is no fun trying to scrape ice of your face shield while riding, but it is a thrill to get to work and have to shake the ice off your jacket before you can unzip it.

I saw a commercial last night about Crest White strips. The thrust of this commercial was that the strips stayed on better than before which allowed you more freedom to go about your daily activities with out worrying about the strippy thing coming off your teeth. They gave examples "so you can whistle along with the radio, take a shower, and even drink water while you whiten!" (pasted from their website). In the commercial they show women using the product. In my porn addled mind I thought when they put shots of their model blowing a guy or going down on another woman then I will know they work well.

Last night as I was trying to leave from work I got stuck. I had my motorcycle up on the center-stand because I had put some hydraulic fluid in the clutch master-cylinder. The floor here is a highly polished concrete. When I went to push the bike back off the center-stand the bike just slid across the floor a bit instead of rocking over center and onto the tires. I thought well I will just rock it harder… then harder… then harder still. Nothing. I just inched it along. I tried standing on the centerstand foot bar, nothing. I tried lifting it back over but I was surrounded by stuff and I wasn't sure I could keep it stable and upright when or if it came down. This little conundrum lasted about 5 minutes while I pushed and pulled and lifted and swore and pondered. The it came to me that if I could get the stand to cross one of the expansion joints in the concrete it might hang there sufficiently to keep it from sliding and allow the bike to rock back over center and back on to the tires. That took a while to organize but it worked. Don't ask how long it took to get the master-cylinder cap off. Crumby 3 minute exercise now took nearly 40 minutes. Man what a Goat Rope.

Déjà Not Vu

I am sure you have all experienced this and so have I to one degree or another but last week I was really knocked for a loop. I woke up believing in that it was Wednesday, it was a Thursday. I went through the entire day thinking that I was just a bit ahead of the work load and that Thursday was going to be a good day and that I was well on pace for Friday's deadline. I worked fast and carefully. I worked the usual 12 hours and went home. I was helping sweety in with something from her truck and some how the day came up and that it was Thursday. I about pooped, and denied that it was possible. She "messes" with me all the time. I thought this was one of those times and pushed her several times to stop messing around… she was not… this time. For a solid minute I was panicked and thought about going back to the shop to get more done so that I could maybe get half done for the deadline.

I did not go back. I just gave that one up.

I was just so SURE it was Wednesday. I thought this must be what an Alzheimer patient must feel like in a moment of lucidity. How horrible.

Empty nest

Everyone has seen the phone commercials where the (typically Jewish) mother is haranguing the daughter or son … "You never call, you never write. Did you think I died? Make an old woman happy call once in a while will you?"

I never paid that sort of thing any credence in as much as well I wasn't the old Jewish woman before… now I am.

My daughter grew up, graduated and moved down to live with her mother for the summer before reporting for duty in the Navy. I have listened to my mother talk to me about talking to my daughter… "It's like pulling teeth to get a complete sentence out of her". But having lived with her I didn't experience that too very much only on occasion and that was sort of cyclical issue.

So now here I am and well… Make an old man happy call once in a while will you?"

About me

I decided that the racism thing can wait. I wrote a bunch of stuff up but saw that it was just so much ugly memories.

So, about me some.

I don't think you or the people I work with would know to see me or listen to me but I am a craven fraidy cat. I woke up this morning in the middle of what I would call a mid level panic attack. I live that way a lot; worrying about this and that and the other. It consumes me some times. I think that is why when I do something fun or interesting or build something cool I point it out to my family… they have gotten used to the idea that I do cool things and are no longer impressed. I am though. I always marvel at the end result, because I don't think I could have done it. I mentioned a while ago that my work is no longer fulfilling. It is starting to eat me. Yesterday the guy I sort of work for asked if I were up to a challenge. I about pissed my self. Not like this thing I am doing 12 hours a day going on 7 days a week isn't enough of a challenge? Now I have to sift through someone else's work and learn how they did it and how I am going to redo it. There are good notes, better notes than I make. In the past, though, my function was to do a thing then do a different thing. I never had to do the same thing again now or months later so I didn't need notes much except what I needed to get through the thing. This past couple years has been really trying. When I first moved here I had a job that was about the top end of what it is that I do. And I was not in any way ready for it. I was tossed, not in to the deep end alone… I was hurled in to the ocean in the middle of a "Perfect Storm", with no help… much. I had to learn the whole thing alone… mostly. That was nerve wracking day in and day out. That job went away, moved out of state. Now I am in a sort of similar situation again. I suspect this is a case of what doesn't kill you makes you better, faster, stronger… but I am getting very tired of pushing this old boulder up this steep learning curve day after day. I suspect God is making this all work out though because I sure don't see how it keeps working out. I haven't need for any thing, wanted for yes, but not needed. I don't go hungry, the bills keep getting paid. I keep shaking in my boots though.

Raceism #2

This recent flair up of racist concerns is both crap and deeply troubling. On the face of it its crap for this reason; it seems that every time a black person gets arrested some one throws the race card. That is Crap. It's troubling because the President of the United States saw fit to wade in with ridiculous commentary on a subject he knew nothing about! Yes he knew Dr. Gates and probably new him to be a mild mannered professor. But I think that Perhaps Dr. Gates' attitude might have been brought on by his personal relationship with Obama, It sounds something like this… Party of the first part: "You can not talk to me like this. I know Vinie, Vinie Scumbado." The mention of Vinie's name, being some fictitious notorious underworld enforcer type, is supposed to strike fear in to the individual speaking to the party of the first part. I think that the professor thought that Obama was his Vinie. One of the things that make that troubling is that it paints Obama as a racist. And before you all start screaming he's black he can't be racist, Shut Up. It's my belief that black people are more racist than most white people. Many black people see racism in every thing a white person says. And what's worse, they see it when it's not there.

I witnessed a scene at a superior court house where in a black man was at 'Window#1' trying, like the rest of us, to get some documentation issues handled. In this case it was something to do with copies of transcripts pertaining to a restraining order put out against him by his used to be wife. The woman behind the desk asked him to wait while she looked up the records and she was finding nothing based on the information that he was giving her. Almost instantly he flew in to a rage and started screaming racism. His voice rose so as to be heard in the entire room filled with talking people. Every one around shut up as a result. I suspect that was his intent to draw attention to his plight and cause the woman embarrassment so as to quell her apparent attempt at racism. He ranted and raved for about a minute while the woman politely and continuously, politely and professionally asked him if there was any other name his case could be listed under. Nothing! He was not going to be silenced or hauled down off his High White… err Black Horse of righteous indignation. Nor was he going to pull his head out of his ass to try to think of answering the woman's questions. Finally a supervisor came over to see what the furory was about, a black man I might add. I suspect that helped some, for a second. The, would be, injured man repeated what he told the woman behind the counter in a non library voice. The supervisor entered the same information in to the database and again nothing. That really lit the guy up. Now not only is it racism it was now conspiracy on the part of the court to deprive him if his legal rights. Wowie did he go off. Al Sharpton would have been very Proud! The supervisor asked him repeatedly to come to the end of the counter where he could be brought around in to a private room where they could talk about this more privately. "NO F'ing way, I will not be take out back like a little nigger boy." Round and round they went for going on 4 minutes now. Finally the supervisor calls the police/security officers over to try to get control of the situation. I think that the wrong thing to do. The security officers tried to explain that he was disrupting the normal course business of the court and that he would have to quiet down or leave or be forcibly removed. HE did not listen to the first three times the officers explained his choices, so the smaller officer reached out and took his arm. WOW that was like pure sodium and water, I tell you what. Then the larger officer took his other arm and lifted him and carried him down the counter and in to the back, screaming all the way. You could hear him for a couple more minutes then he went quiet. I wondered if they tazed him or something. It seems that he gave a wrong name to the original court worker. He came storming out with an arm load of papers apparently what he was looking to get in the first place. After he was gone I over heard the court counter people talking about it. It seems that he wasn't giving the same name he used in the original hearing. The court worker had asked him repeatedly if there was a different name.

Raceism 1

This whole thing with professor Gates and the Cop and Obama has me thinking about the whole race thing a lot. I have been thinking about the race thing for a long time and I think it would be a good idea to get a couple of the principal race related incidents that have helped shape my thinking about race issues to help me sort out my feelings. The next couple posts will be about them.

tough issues

Censorship

I read in a blog where the blogger was upset about a commercial that was running promoting a new TV show. The spot showed a family of 'little people' taking self defense glasses. It seems that the video of the spot is showing the woman of the couple kicking and screaming "No" and punching the instructor with the appropriate pads and stuff while a upbeat voice over guy is saying Ben and Jen play hard to get. Her contention is that the phrase hard to get coupled with the video f kicking and screaming NO plants the idea that no does not mean no that it means fight longer then I will say yes. I can see her point and i agree that there is a subtle message being delivered. I wonder about the not so very subtle messages out there... like "Smack my Bitch up". This is not so very subtle. I wonder if that is ok because it isn't trying to sneak in under the radar. Its just in your face and offensive or not...