so yeah...

Its been a very long time since I have had any thing that I thought was worth saying/reading.
The happy times are few and far between.
Some months ago I got my head slapped back to reality regarding my porn issues.
I have been better about that. That is primarily why I have been off line. Other reasons are that recently my personal live has ebbed very low in relational happiness. My work life has been no source of inspiration. Every project that I find my self involved in turns out to be an unmitigated disaster. I fear being fired so deeply having been unemployed for so long.

I know this sounds like an "Oh woe is me" bit of detritus and it really is I suppose. I dont have any where else to say these things so 'here' it is.

This week…

This has been a tough week.

My sweety is gone for the week. One of my addiction triggers has something to do with abandonment. I have a very difficult time alone. I tend to 'act out' in my addiction when I am stressed this way. I started out the beginning of the week pretty much ok. By midweek I was trolling a blog that could be considered porn. Not porn strictly speaking; just a blog that I know to be sexy and thinking. Thinking about sex but thinking none the less.

Today I am not trolling those blogs very much, mostly writing and working around the house and trying to stay warm. Man there is a lot of work to get done around here. But it so cold outside that I find it very difficult to be out there very long. I think I have nearly frost bitten my fingers and toes riding my motorcycle in the cold and now they seem overly sensitive to cold, that or I am just a wimp.

I was looking up the sex rehab show and found that some of the rehabbers have blogs. Two of them are very well done and relative to their new lives, the others surprisingly not. I read some of their posts regarding their experience on the rehab show. The two good blogs are definitely worth reading.

Empty nest

Everyone has seen the phone commercials where the (typically Jewish) mother is haranguing the daughter or son … "You never call, you never write. Did you think I died? Make an old woman happy call once in a while will you?"

I never paid that sort of thing any credence in as much as well I wasn't the old Jewish woman before… now I am.

My daughter grew up, graduated and moved down to live with her mother for the summer before reporting for duty in the Navy. I have listened to my mother talk to me about talking to my daughter… "It's like pulling teeth to get a complete sentence out of her". But having lived with her I didn't experience that too very much only on occasion and that was sort of cyclical issue.

So now here I am and well… Make an old man happy call once in a while will you?"