…why

I have been trying to understand the 'whys' of my compulsions/obsessions, which is being a slow process. I was watching Joyce Meyers' show yesterday and they were talking about some very similar topics. The result was sort of a redirect of one's energies. Don't get stuck on understanding why but ask what. What am I going to do about this problem? You might never understand the why's and if you are mired in the discovery of the why's of it you might never be able to move on.

That bit of 'advice' stuck with me. I was beginning to feel that I was compulsively thinking about my obsessions, which felt like a degenerative toriodal spinout, ultimately going nowhere fast.

I will try to embrace 'what' for a while.

…still more on breasts

Why are breasts nearly universally appreciated as beautiful? I wonder that it might be some societal thing about "western culture". I wonder that in aboriginal and tribal areas of the world that breasts are not 'worshiped' as much as in America. Some things appear to be universally perceived. Spiders and sharks are almost universally perceived as frightening.

Americans or western cultures seem to be obsessed with larger breasts. Tribal cultures don't appear to be.

On national Geographic Specials of South American Amazonian tribal peoples the women go about without covering their breasts. The men in the tribes don't seem to be very excited about it.

Why do men crave the breasts? Why would an adult man desire to suck a woman's breasts / nipples? That would seem like something an infant would do.

I wonder that I am so curious about this in an attempt to understand the attraction if I could understand it I could be less obsessed by them.

…forgiveness

I wrote something in the last post about forgiveness. Then shortly after I flipped on the TV Shatter's Raw Nerve was on and the topic of discussion was forgiveness… more specifically self forgiveness. The person being interviewed said that if or when they were able to forgive themselves then forgiving others would be a piece of cake.

Perhaps someday…

…rough day

I had a rough day.

To start with my sweety is gone for the week. She is attending her daughter with her first baby… a girl.

My daughter is graduating boot-camp soon and I am dis-invited because… well that is a huge long ugly story. The plot points of which I have tried and tried to forgive but I am seemingly unable to. Each time this issue is brought up I find myself talking to myself in a fit of rage that inevitably leads to a feeling of self loathing and disgust that has me sliding down the razor's edge to a depressive state that persists for days and sometimes weeks. I feel this particular time may be worse because I am alone with my thoughts and the internet. I tend to act out in my addiction during times like these. With my sweety gone for the week there are no brakes on my behavior except my own strength of will… and look where that has gotten me in the past. To a certain extent this is no exception. I trolled to one of my favorite blog sites to see what I have been missing there in the last months. But I go to this blog because it, in all honesty, actually has "thought provoking articles". Not just the usual debached story one after another. It used to be this way at this blog but this blogger has 'matured' and writes about more real and ethereal things… mostly. But I digress.

I am fixated on breasts recently. And this week's circumstance is not helping one tiny bit. I can't seem to get them out of my mind for long. I watch TV to try to distract myself from them but well you know … there they are on TV. But by and large Myth Busters doesn't do too many sex related myths.

More white knuckle living… oh the joy

The land that time forgot

I live in the land that time forgot. Most fall morning are thick with fog but when as it begins to burn off there are places of clarity it here and there giving it that mist shrouded prehistoric look. The back drop is a mountain that rises very steeply. The top is ringed with an escarpment of vertically pushed up cliff faces, very dramatic. It has the appearance of being very tall; disappearing into the clouds added to that the Great Blue herons flying around that look remarkably like the pterodactyls slow moving and gliding.