I wrote something in the last post about forgiveness. Then shortly after I flipped on the TV Shatter's Raw Nerve was on and the topic of discussion was forgiveness… more specifically self forgiveness. The person being interviewed said that if or when they were able to forgive themselves then forgiving others would be a piece of cake.
Perhaps someday…
I had a rough day.
To start with my sweety is gone for the week. She is attending her daughter with her first baby… a girl.
My daughter is graduating boot-camp soon and I am dis-invited because… well that is a huge long ugly story. The plot points of which I have tried and tried to forgive but I am seemingly unable to. Each time this issue is brought up I find myself talking to myself in a fit of rage that inevitably leads to a feeling of self loathing and disgust that has me sliding down the razor's edge to a depressive state that persists for days and sometimes weeks. I feel this particular time may be worse because I am alone with my thoughts and the internet. I tend to act out in my addiction during times like these. With my sweety gone for the week there are no brakes on my behavior except my own strength of will… and look where that has gotten me in the past. To a certain extent this is no exception. I trolled to one of my favorite blog sites to see what I have been missing there in the last months. But I go to this blog because it, in all honesty, actually has "thought provoking articles". Not just the usual debached story one after another. It used to be this way at this blog but this blogger has 'matured' and writes about more real and ethereal things… mostly. But I digress.
I am fixated on breasts recently. And this week's circumstance is not helping one tiny bit. I can't seem to get them out of my mind for long. I watch TV to try to distract myself from them but well you know … there they are on TV. But by and large Myth Busters doesn't do too many sex related myths.
More white knuckle living… oh the joy
I live in the land that time forgot. Most fall morning are thick with fog but when as it begins to burn off there are places of clarity it here and there giving it that mist shrouded prehistoric look. The back drop is a mountain that rises very steeply. The top is ringed with an escarpment of vertically pushed up cliff faces, very dramatic. It has the appearance of being very tall; disappearing into the clouds added to that the Great Blue herons flying around that look remarkably like the pterodactyls slow moving and gliding.
Why are men so obsessed with them? As I said before they are just fat pads surrounding modified sweat glands.
But why do men want to hold them, squeeze them, play motorboat in them… ? I don't know but I am guessing that women don't necessarily find all or any of that stuff pleasant.
Ron white made the observation that men just can't see enough of them. If guy was to be asked if he want to see a woman's breasts no matter the breasts even an "old biker chick" "You wanna see me neked?"... "Yea I do" "Alright that's enough… roll'em back up" Most men would agree with this… "If you have seen one woman neked… you… wanna see the rest of 'em"
UPDATE
I was trolling blogs the other day and found an answer to this question. It makes some sense I suppose. I preferred it to be an unanswered question but here is where I found the answer.
What is so special about breasts? Anatomically speaking they are simply modified sweat glands padded with fat. Why then are they so… um compelling and distracting. Why is bigger better? In general cleavage does not exist in nature. How did cleavage become so popular?
I witnessed an interesting scene the other day. I was doing a favor for my fiancé' in a place where you might expect to find pretty women. These particular women were preparing for an open house. One of the women was standing in front of a mirror adjusting her breasts in her little black dress. She was lifting them and pressing together and fluffing the collar of the dress to lie nicely on and to expose her cleavage. Why would she do this? Who is she putting on this show for? She is certain to draw attention, but what sort of attention is she hoping to draw? Why is it that so many women will go to great lengths to preen, primp and put on this display? Why do women get angry when men are drawn to her efforts and 'comment' on or react to her prominently displayed physical attributes? "Eyes… up here buddy." Or "Talk to me not my tits" Surely women know men are very drawn to breasts and exposed cleavage. Why would they purposely display their breasts this way? Victoria's Secret and Fredric's of Hollywood make who know how many millions of dollars to help in this effort. Water bras, Pushup bras, padded bras, demi-cup… all designed to give a fuller sexier appearance.
To me make up is just a step behind deep cleavage confusion department. Lipstick especially red lipstick is an attempt to emulate a sexually available display of animals in heat. Mascara is intended to create more action around the eyes to draw attention to them. You recall the Jurassic Park line where the Dr. Alan Grant says "Don't move… the Tyrannosaurus won't see you if you don't move". This is true for men as well they are attracted to things that move. This explains the fascination for The Giggle factor on TV. The colorizing of the skin around the eyes with highlights and shadows creates more contrast between the face and eyes adding depth and implied motion for the eyes. Also the higher contrast of the darker lashes and the white of the eye give a more youthful and healthy appearance. The longer lashes cause the facial dimensions to be more childlike; Larger eyes smaller face. Like Kittens and puppies; that youthful innocent look.
I can see all of this if you are on the hunt… if you are looking for a mate, looking to get laid.
Don't get me wrong I am all for being attractive and pretty or handsome… but overt sexuality?
