…rough day

I had a rough day.

To start with my sweety is gone for the week. She is attending her daughter with her first baby… a girl.

My daughter is graduating boot-camp soon and I am dis-invited because… well that is a huge long ugly story. The plot points of which I have tried and tried to forgive but I am seemingly unable to. Each time this issue is brought up I find myself talking to myself in a fit of rage that inevitably leads to a feeling of self loathing and disgust that has me sliding down the razor's edge to a depressive state that persists for days and sometimes weeks. I feel this particular time may be worse because I am alone with my thoughts and the internet. I tend to act out in my addiction during times like these. With my sweety gone for the week there are no brakes on my behavior except my own strength of will… and look where that has gotten me in the past. To a certain extent this is no exception. I trolled to one of my favorite blog sites to see what I have been missing there in the last months. But I go to this blog because it, in all honesty, actually has "thought provoking articles". Not just the usual debached story one after another. It used to be this way at this blog but this blogger has 'matured' and writes about more real and ethereal things… mostly. But I digress.

I am fixated on breasts recently. And this week's circumstance is not helping one tiny bit. I can't seem to get them out of my mind for long. I watch TV to try to distract myself from them but well you know … there they are on TV. But by and large Myth Busters doesn't do too many sex related myths.

More white knuckle living… oh the joy

The land that time forgot

I live in the land that time forgot. Most fall morning are thick with fog but when as it begins to burn off there are places of clarity it here and there giving it that mist shrouded prehistoric look. The back drop is a mountain that rises very steeply. The top is ringed with an escarpment of vertically pushed up cliff faces, very dramatic. It has the appearance of being very tall; disappearing into the clouds added to that the Great Blue herons flying around that look remarkably like the pterodactyls slow moving and gliding.

…more on breasts.

Why are men so obsessed with them? As I said before they are just fat pads surrounding modified sweat glands.

But why do men want to hold them, squeeze them, play motorboat in them… ? I don't know but I am guessing that women don't necessarily find all or any of that stuff pleasant.

Ron white made the observation that men just can't see enough of them. If guy was to be asked if he want to see a woman's breasts no matter the breasts even an "old biker chick" "You wanna see me neked?"... "Yea I do" "Alright that's enough… roll'em back up" Most men would agree with this… "If you have seen one woman neked… you… wanna see the rest of 'em"

UPDATE

I was trolling blogs the other day and found an answer to this question. It makes some sense I suppose. I preferred it to be an unanswered question but here is where I found the answer.

breasts

What is so special about breasts? Anatomically speaking they are simply modified sweat glands padded with fat. Why then are they so… um compelling and distracting. Why is bigger better? In general cleavage does not exist in nature. How did cleavage become so popular?

I witnessed an interesting scene the other day. I was doing a favor for my fiancé' in a place where you might expect to find pretty women. These particular women were preparing for an open house. One of the women was standing in front of a mirror adjusting her breasts in her little black dress. She was lifting them and pressing together and fluffing the collar of the dress to lie nicely on and to expose her cleavage. Why would she do this? Who is she putting on this show for? She is certain to draw attention, but what sort of attention is she hoping to draw? Why is it that so many women will go to great lengths to preen, primp and put on this display? Why do women get angry when men are drawn to her efforts and 'comment' on or react to her prominently displayed physical attributes? "Eyes… up here buddy." Or "Talk to me not my tits" Surely women know men are very drawn to breasts and exposed cleavage. Why would they purposely display their breasts this way? Victoria's Secret and Fredric's of Hollywood make who know how many millions of dollars to help in this effort. Water bras, Pushup bras, padded bras, demi-cup… all designed to give a fuller sexier appearance.

To me make up is just a step behind deep cleavage confusion department. Lipstick especially red lipstick is an attempt to emulate a sexually available display of animals in heat. Mascara is intended to create more action around the eyes to draw attention to them. You recall the Jurassic Park line where the Dr. Alan Grant says "Don't move… the Tyrannosaurus won't see you if you don't move". This is true for men as well they are attracted to things that move. This explains the fascination for The Giggle factor on TV. The colorizing of the skin around the eyes with highlights and shadows creates more contrast between the face and eyes adding depth and implied motion for the eyes. Also the higher contrast of the darker lashes and the white of the eye give a more youthful and healthy appearance. The longer lashes cause the facial dimensions to be more childlike; Larger eyes smaller face. Like Kittens and puppies; that youthful innocent look.

I can see all of this if you are on the hunt… if you are looking for a mate, looking to get laid.

Don't get me wrong I am all for being attractive and pretty or handsome… but overt sexuality?

Sexy thoughts

I don't want this to start sounding like I am anti sex… I am not.

So I am thinking about the sex addiction thing and how it is becoming a more serious problem. People are losing their jobs their health and their lives over this. I suppose in that regard it's like any other addiction really. But it seems, and I have to agree, that sex addiction is a somewhat more intimate thing to discuss. Celebrities pop into and out of re-habs like fashionable restaurants anymore. And having been to drug or alcohol rehab is sort of a badge of honor. Sex addiction usually has the addict remarkably more ashamed than drug or alcohol addiction. In general most people with offer you a drink at a party at a bar and depending on the company you keep a line or a pill chaser. But in most cases they don't offer you the use of their wives or sisters for the evening.

So, but I was thinking about how there is this huge duality in America regarding sex. America's culture has historically been steeped in Puritanical belief structures. The "Proper" people would appear to be righteous and sexless. I can't even begin to innumerate the Senators and Congressmen and Spiritual leaders that have been destroyed because of sex scandals. So somehow sex is not good for power or authority or politics. But it would seem that somehow power and authority and politics is good for sex. Goofy looking guys in positions of power are getting it regularly, freely and I might add with women Way out of their league because of their position of power and authority. So, on the face of it, in America we are supposed to be moral and good which equates to chaste and pure. No politician is ever going to be elected with a known history of going to strip bars, watching porn or consorting with prostitutes. Heavens to Murgatroid that would be unseemly in the extreme. We cannot have our leaders having sex. That would be the same thing as thinking our parents were having sex. It seems that a sex life somehow infers that you are of low moral character and we certainly don't want that. There is the Stud vs. Gentleman, the Virtuous "Good" girl vs. Slut high school stuff. Much of that high school stuff is changing though anymore and speaking as a parent I am OH SO glad I got out of that alive.

So there is that. We as a nation are all the worst kind of twisted up about our sexuality. Only "freaks" are free to have a great sex life. But somehow Pornography as an industry is BOOMING! Somebody out there must be "getting' it". But only "freaks" are free to admit it. But Madison Ave is moving to change that. Madison Avenue has us in the palms of their hairy little hands. They sell us sex all day every day, especially in recent years. Pharmaceuticals have heralded the new wave of sexual revolutions several times. First was "The Pill". Sex without (much) worry, then came the "little blue Pill"s Viagra and Cialis. Sex on demand all night long but watch out for the dreaded four hour long erection. And now there's… Smilin' Bob and his Enzite, swinging the Long wood and the Extenze NASCAR and Indycar Racing team, and all those other sex enhancement products you see at the 7-11 counter. I suppose it only fair that "that certain part of the male anatomy" should fall prey to the same enhance-it fetish as breasts, bigger is better; If not surgically then chemically or mechanically. And more recently KY Jelly is getting into the game with their KY Intense 'personal lubricant'… supposed to enhance her pleasure. Make no mistake… I am ALL for her pleasure. Trojan is now marketing a little tiny finger tip vibrator sex toy now; oh no wait, it's a 'personal massager'. A couple years ago "Sex and the City's Kim Cattrall/Samantha Jones and Opra popularized the Jack Rabbit Vibrator. That had to be one of the most amazing sex toy marketing strategies EVER in the history of EVER. I wonder who the marketing genius was who masterminded that. He probably bought a country and moved there. There is a TV show on cable, late nights of course, "Shop Erotic". Hours of Home Shopping network style sex-toy sales. Two women extolling the benefits and the joys of the toys they are representing that night. Those are just some of the obvious/blatant sex things being thrust at us today. Sex is used in nearly every successful major advertising campaign. It doesn't matter what is being sold. Oh wait Political correctness has had its way with the "Snap On Calendar" No more sexy bikini models holding torque wrenches or impact drivers, but beer, cars and game shows sit-coms… sex is everywhere. Our favorite TV comedies ooze sex. The plots have the principals trying to get laid, desperately or regularly depending on the show and the character. Those who are getting laid make fun of those who are not. Nobody doesn't want to be getting laid. You are branded a looser if you are not getting laid. And those who are not be getting laid by choice claim a higher moral character and standard of principal. And I have two words for you INTERNET PORN. At no time in history has sex/porn been so free and easy to get in the comfort of your own home… own home… crap??? your own lap… top that is. And the ultimate in convenience… your front pocket in your cell phone. Where ever you go there it is. You can be in the middle of the central valley of California miles from any visible signs of civilization and you can get porn. Trust me I know. The sex addict is very far from a fix.

Update. I couldn't sleep the other night. I went to stop my brain by watching some TV. The first two bits of programming I saw were the Extenze race team and the KY Intense woman gushing geyser commercials… Just saying