The ex…1

The ex… the telling of this is going to be a long and painful and no doubt rambling and winding and often back tracking story of pain and addiction and debauchery on both sides. In the nick of case no one read the fine print at the head of this blog… the part about my being as emotionally stable as a bag of rats in a flaming meth lab… this is where you will come to understand and believe that. Get your barf bags ready. I will break this up over many pieces for readability and to allow me to recall and to write in an unbiased , as much as is possible, way.

This will also give me a way of sorting this out for real in my own head so that I am not beating myself up for imagined stuff and accepting the responsibility for those things that I am guilty of.

Preface; the first. We were high school sweet hearts. She was the school slut and I was the oldest virgin on campus… I am still sure of it. I was messed up about sex even back then. She was Long and lean and easy on the eyes. But she had issues with boys. From her perspective, if she didn't have sex with boys then they wouldn't like her or so she thought. She was smart and a good person. She was, however, abused at some young age by one or more of her mother's boy friends. So she had/s issues. I had issues of Nerdism and suffered from acute Ganglitude compounded by a chronic case of Hormoneitis. (I was 6'3' and way skinny with no self esteem stemming in no small part because I was not the son my father dreamed of having. I didn't want to get up before God and go "Slay the fish," or drink coffee or smoke cigarettes while sitting silently, so as not to scare the afore mentioned illusive and possibly/probably, none-existent, in my thinking because we almost never caught any, because I couldn't sit still enough while freezing or not drinking coffee or, or, or… imaginary fish, in a boat on a lake freezing my ass off when I could be warm and cozy in bed, or watching cartoons or building stuff with my huge cache of Lego's. I could go on but I think that paints the picture well enough for the time being. We were a match made in… where ever they make very volatile, poisonous, toxic, slow acting, neurotoxin time bombs.

It is my sincere belief that she subscribed to the school of thinking that once you had a Boyfriend/fiancé/husband sex stopped. I, on the other hand, was of the school that once "that" door/box, thank you Pandora, is opened you take the hinges off and burn the doors… does the phrase unhinged say anything, I think that paints the picture well enough. I was a late bloomer and I meant to make up for, imagined, lost time… and I have an IMAGINATION!

The ex…0

I was reading this blog post and this one and the commentary left really brought it in to stark relief that I need to write about my ex and my stuff surround that in order to be true and forthcoming. It will paint me in a very unfavorable light I promise. I promise to not sugar coat my stuff. I am trying to be a better person. I read this post where the writer says they are not striving for perfection but to be a excellent example of a human being… crud I would be happy with even a counter-example of a human being… right now I feel like some… well nothing human I assure you.

off the cuff...

I wonder... does God need my help?
Some how I don't think so. Does God need me to help police people and peoples thoughts.
The more I read about the bible and the way and times that it was written the more I wonder; Does God need my help.
I am thinking... This is a God that created something, every thing. So far with all our (human) intellect and wizzy science stuff we can neither create nor destroy any thing... not one tiny thing. God, on the other hand, did, in a single stroke, create all that we can see, all that we can not see, just all that there is.
So any way... the point of this post Gay marriage. (the last time I typed this line the power went out soooo I wonder...) any way I don't think that Gay Marriage in and of its self is a Horrible thing. Why should I stand between two people, any two people, if they want to ruin their lives with a piece of paper from the government/state. I used to be very against Gay Marriage and but that thinking was principally a semantic point for me. I have been beat-up about playing semantic games before. I didn't like the idea of Gay Marriage because Marriage, in my mind is/was a religious thing... see the Rant alert post (quite a ways down for the gist of that thinking). But on other issues where religion thinking/ideals pushes against human needs/rights (Abortion) is it my place to stand for God in those places? At one level I think so and another I think not so... hence the question... Does God need my help? This brings up a couple lines from the bible... am I my brother's keeper? I don't recall the precise wording but the idea that if you are only lukewarm then you are not appealing to God and he will spit you out like you might spit out so much ummm... splooge.
I suppose that drags up the whole separation of church and state question and that is WAAAAY more than I bargained for at the beginning of this post.

I really thought...

I thought with all the weirdness you can find on the internet I would find this tattoo.
Written on some Gothic script or other up the inside of a woman's thighs separated by her Ladies Business (LB)
"Abandon all hope (LB) ye who enter here." or possibly on her butt cheeks. I was even going to try to Photoshop-ed something like it together... I spent way too much time looking at Ladies Business pictures trying to find the appropriate L.B. conformation to make the statement. I did not find such a picture. Oh well.
I don't suppose that I would have posted it though even if I had found it.

sigh...

I saw this today.
Does this mean what I think it means?
I saw it here. Third from the top.