Empty nest

Everyone has seen the phone commercials where the (typically Jewish) mother is haranguing the daughter or son … "You never call, you never write. Did you think I died? Make an old woman happy call once in a while will you?"

I never paid that sort of thing any credence in as much as well I wasn't the old Jewish woman before… now I am.

My daughter grew up, graduated and moved down to live with her mother for the summer before reporting for duty in the Navy. I have listened to my mother talk to me about talking to my daughter… "It's like pulling teeth to get a complete sentence out of her". But having lived with her I didn't experience that too very much only on occasion and that was sort of cyclical issue.

So now here I am and well… Make an old man happy call once in a while will you?"

About me

I decided that the racism thing can wait. I wrote a bunch of stuff up but saw that it was just so much ugly memories.

So, about me some.

I don't think you or the people I work with would know to see me or listen to me but I am a craven fraidy cat. I woke up this morning in the middle of what I would call a mid level panic attack. I live that way a lot; worrying about this and that and the other. It consumes me some times. I think that is why when I do something fun or interesting or build something cool I point it out to my family… they have gotten used to the idea that I do cool things and are no longer impressed. I am though. I always marvel at the end result, because I don't think I could have done it. I mentioned a while ago that my work is no longer fulfilling. It is starting to eat me. Yesterday the guy I sort of work for asked if I were up to a challenge. I about pissed my self. Not like this thing I am doing 12 hours a day going on 7 days a week isn't enough of a challenge? Now I have to sift through someone else's work and learn how they did it and how I am going to redo it. There are good notes, better notes than I make. In the past, though, my function was to do a thing then do a different thing. I never had to do the same thing again now or months later so I didn't need notes much except what I needed to get through the thing. This past couple years has been really trying. When I first moved here I had a job that was about the top end of what it is that I do. And I was not in any way ready for it. I was tossed, not in to the deep end alone… I was hurled in to the ocean in the middle of a "Perfect Storm", with no help… much. I had to learn the whole thing alone… mostly. That was nerve wracking day in and day out. That job went away, moved out of state. Now I am in a sort of similar situation again. I suspect this is a case of what doesn't kill you makes you better, faster, stronger… but I am getting very tired of pushing this old boulder up this steep learning curve day after day. I suspect God is making this all work out though because I sure don't see how it keeps working out. I haven't need for any thing, wanted for yes, but not needed. I don't go hungry, the bills keep getting paid. I keep shaking in my boots though.

Raceism #2

This recent flair up of racist concerns is both crap and deeply troubling. On the face of it its crap for this reason; it seems that every time a black person gets arrested some one throws the race card. That is Crap. It's troubling because the President of the United States saw fit to wade in with ridiculous commentary on a subject he knew nothing about! Yes he knew Dr. Gates and probably new him to be a mild mannered professor. But I think that Perhaps Dr. Gates' attitude might have been brought on by his personal relationship with Obama, It sounds something like this… Party of the first part: "You can not talk to me like this. I know Vinie, Vinie Scumbado." The mention of Vinie's name, being some fictitious notorious underworld enforcer type, is supposed to strike fear in to the individual speaking to the party of the first part. I think that the professor thought that Obama was his Vinie. One of the things that make that troubling is that it paints Obama as a racist. And before you all start screaming he's black he can't be racist, Shut Up. It's my belief that black people are more racist than most white people. Many black people see racism in every thing a white person says. And what's worse, they see it when it's not there.

I witnessed a scene at a superior court house where in a black man was at 'Window#1' trying, like the rest of us, to get some documentation issues handled. In this case it was something to do with copies of transcripts pertaining to a restraining order put out against him by his used to be wife. The woman behind the desk asked him to wait while she looked up the records and she was finding nothing based on the information that he was giving her. Almost instantly he flew in to a rage and started screaming racism. His voice rose so as to be heard in the entire room filled with talking people. Every one around shut up as a result. I suspect that was his intent to draw attention to his plight and cause the woman embarrassment so as to quell her apparent attempt at racism. He ranted and raved for about a minute while the woman politely and continuously, politely and professionally asked him if there was any other name his case could be listed under. Nothing! He was not going to be silenced or hauled down off his High White… err Black Horse of righteous indignation. Nor was he going to pull his head out of his ass to try to think of answering the woman's questions. Finally a supervisor came over to see what the furory was about, a black man I might add. I suspect that helped some, for a second. The, would be, injured man repeated what he told the woman behind the counter in a non library voice. The supervisor entered the same information in to the database and again nothing. That really lit the guy up. Now not only is it racism it was now conspiracy on the part of the court to deprive him if his legal rights. Wowie did he go off. Al Sharpton would have been very Proud! The supervisor asked him repeatedly to come to the end of the counter where he could be brought around in to a private room where they could talk about this more privately. "NO F'ing way, I will not be take out back like a little nigger boy." Round and round they went for going on 4 minutes now. Finally the supervisor calls the police/security officers over to try to get control of the situation. I think that the wrong thing to do. The security officers tried to explain that he was disrupting the normal course business of the court and that he would have to quiet down or leave or be forcibly removed. HE did not listen to the first three times the officers explained his choices, so the smaller officer reached out and took his arm. WOW that was like pure sodium and water, I tell you what. Then the larger officer took his other arm and lifted him and carried him down the counter and in to the back, screaming all the way. You could hear him for a couple more minutes then he went quiet. I wondered if they tazed him or something. It seems that he gave a wrong name to the original court worker. He came storming out with an arm load of papers apparently what he was looking to get in the first place. After he was gone I over heard the court counter people talking about it. It seems that he wasn't giving the same name he used in the original hearing. The court worker had asked him repeatedly if there was a different name.

Raceism 1

This whole thing with professor Gates and the Cop and Obama has me thinking about the whole race thing a lot. I have been thinking about the race thing for a long time and I think it would be a good idea to get a couple of the principal race related incidents that have helped shape my thinking about race issues to help me sort out my feelings. The next couple posts will be about them.

tough issues

Censorship

I read in a blog where the blogger was upset about a commercial that was running promoting a new TV show. The spot showed a family of 'little people' taking self defense glasses. It seems that the video of the spot is showing the woman of the couple kicking and screaming "No" and punching the instructor with the appropriate pads and stuff while a upbeat voice over guy is saying Ben and Jen play hard to get. Her contention is that the phrase hard to get coupled with the video f kicking and screaming NO plants the idea that no does not mean no that it means fight longer then I will say yes. I can see her point and i agree that there is a subtle message being delivered. I wonder about the not so very subtle messages out there... like "Smack my Bitch up". This is not so very subtle. I wonder if that is ok because it isn't trying to sneak in under the radar. Its just in your face and offensive or not...