Where is the line between a good healthy enthusiastic sex life and an addicted one? What does that line look like? Surely a healthy sex life shouldn't be boring "man on top get it over with quick".
If I direct my enthusiasm for sex at just my sweety can't that be a healthy sex life?
How do I define my sobriety? Is it not looking at porn on the internet, not lusting after other women, not masturbating, not fantasizing, not sex toys? All of that, some of that? Something I don't even know about that I do that I shouldn't be doing?
Internet porn is boring… a quick fix. It's a hit that lasts about 30 seconds. And recently I find it more and more repugnant. It makes me angry. Sort of like I hate that I have that ring in my nose and can be jerked around by it. But isn't that sort of part of the male condition of living… naked women… got to look. I hate that. I would like to think that I have more control than that, that I am more 'evolved'. Perhaps not. Perhaps in time.
So...
Lusting after other women… I have never really done that except one woman, and I am well past that. A year sober on that. More on that to be sure lots of feelings there but I am over it. None of the residual feelings are lustful or regretful except that I wish I hadn't gone there and caused so much hurt to all involved.
Masturbating… I am sober on that for over a year. And well over it also. Embarrassingly enough I can't seem to anymore anyway. And it always left me feeling even more empty than before the "craves" lead me there.
Fantasizing… I don't do much of that any more but when I do it's just my sweety. And it's just a few things… but I fear that if I indulge that fantasy muscle then the fantasy world would explode and be back to where it was before out of control. So I purposefully self sensor that except a few remaining points.
Sex toys… I threw away, easily, $2000.00 worth of toys both purchased and made by me over a year ago. I will say that I still love the idea of sex toys though.
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