Energy drinks... why?

    Why is it that there are a seemingly limitless number of Power/Energy drinks? 5 Hour Energy, Red Bull, Monster, Rock Star, AMP… the list goes on and on.

    I am now sort of getting hooked on the 5 Hour. I swear you can set your watch by this stuff. I drink a half bottle when I get up at 4 AM and at 9:00 the yawns attack.

    So any way why are there so many of these products and none of the Power Nap/Sleep aids? All I can find is the Sleepy Time and the Cozy Chamomile teas. Of course there is the Melatonin too and I have tried this but I don't think it did what I had hoped for. And there is the night time pain relievers and Nitol but these are really just antihistamines with no buffering. What I am looking for is that 2:30 pm feeling that in just one more minute I will die… Yawning till I unhinge my jaw, lie down on this nice comfy concrete floor… streaming tears… brown out brain fade feeling that will usher me off to the land of Nod like being hit by a padded bus. I want to be able to buy some thing called Coma or Blackout or Two Minute Warning (two minutes get your poop in a group) something with a punch not Sleepy Time Tea. I want something with the hitting and staying power of a narcotic. Something that hits like Demerol or Thorazine but doesn't leave you in a coma for a day after. Where is that stuff? Ambien is Great stuff. But you can stay awake with Ambien. I say stay awake. Your body can stay awake and some small portion, the insane portion, of your brain will stay up with it but the rest of your brain, the decision making; good judgment part of your brain, is off to sleepy time city so your body will do or say just about any thing. I loves me the Ambien. Some great things happen when your take Ambien… after you are reminded that they happened of course.

    I hope in the not to distant future that Ambien gets moved from the prescription classification to the OTC classification like so many other used to be prescription medications.

Dark Maters...

    She pulled the Moet and Chandon from the pretty cabinet. She poured a tall flute full and stepped into the tub. Exhausted and elated she relaxed down into the hot water. The candle’s glow was like the company of good friends. But she knew that there is only one way for more than one person to keep a secret and that's if all but one of those people were to die… she blew out the candles one by one.

(this is the 80 word version)

    She pulled the Moet and Chandon from the pretty cabinet. She poured a tall flute full and stepped into the tub. She giggled as she contemplated a MySpace Status change. What would that say? Exhausted and elated she squatted down into the hot water. The hot water nipped at her sexy bits for a bit until she relaxed into it.

    She thought back on the events of the night and how wonderfully it had gone. She had always had a thing for Bad Boys but this Bad Boy made her wet, wet to the knees. She had prepared the evening perfectly all the right stuff Rope, Ball Gag, restraints, special sheets, cling film, duct tape. She had wondered if he could be counted on to do his part and oooOOOhhh yesss his Bad Boy nature had not failed her.

    She found her self becoming so excited by recalling the events of the evening that she could not help but attend to the feelings which were calling to her from between her thighs and from behind her now achingly hard nipples. She was almost ashamed by these feelings... almost.

    She was proud of her accomplishments tonight. More importantly her mentor would be proud. Tomorrow Mr. Morgan would call on her and they would critique her work.

    Secretly she wished the Bad Boy could have appreciated her efforts on his behalf... perhaps he had.

    Tonight the candle’s glow was like the company of good friends welcoming her home. But she knew that there is only one way for more than one person to keep a secret and that's if all but one of those people were to die… she blew out the candles one by one and now her secret was safe.

(this was how it was intended but more than 80 words)

It’s been proposed…

    It has been proposed to me that I developed my sexually depraved nature as a result of or shortly after my divorce. I don't discount this notion but I do believe that I was predisposed to this sort of nature from the beginning.

    I attended a prestigious College-prep Boarding School. not that this did me a great deal of good really. As part of an entrance exam I had to write an essay. I wrote an essay about the series of books written by Xaviera Hollander, her Happy Hooker books. The essay must have been ok in as much as they accepted me.

    There are lots of other points that I will drop in now and then under the heading "it's been proposed".

Random stuff

    Remember this is National Prostate awareness month… it's Rec-tember.

I was at the book store the other day… I was trolling the magazine racks looking for some computer magazines… I saw a title that mystified me. The title "Glutes". I looked inside. This is a magazine directed exclusively towards the development of a larger ass. This brings a whole new level of uncertainty to the question… "Does this make my ass look big?" How do you answer this now? It used to be simple... "Oh No dear not at all"… now it's a 50/50 crap shoot and you know you are screwed, or not as the case may be, if you goof the answer. Please don't get me wrong here... I likes me the Large Ass!

    It seems the Loop rope people are reading my blog . They have introduced the wife in to the commercial. And they are tying things up around the house. They are also sponsoring a contest. Send in a picture of your worst use of a Bungee cord and win. The local announcer guy was, I believe, intentionally reading the scrip in such a way to make it sound "dirty" ... and said nearly as much after he was done… commenting on how "dirty" the scrip sounded and how much "trouble" he was going to get in if he didn't stop.

    There is a novelty story here in the area that advertises heavily on the radio and they are NOT even a little bit shy about the sexitude of their commercials. I applaud this advertising effort! The commercial goes something like this. Father asks the mother where the back to school list is, he is going to take the kids and handle up on that now. She says it's on a stack on the desk. He picks up a paper and reads from the list.… School Girl Costume, White Panties, hand cuffs, lube… The father clearly knows this isn't "The" list and asks again. Mother tells a story about how much fun back to school shopping was for her when she was a young girl and it brought out her "naughty inner School Girl" and that it was intended to be a surprise for later. Father indicates that he likes where her head is at.

One of my favorite jokes

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked,

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''

''Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten

up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"

"1955," he replied.

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

(Gotta love military time)