About me

I decided that the racism thing can wait. I wrote a bunch of stuff up but saw that it was just so much ugly memories.

So, about me some.

I don't think you or the people I work with would know to see me or listen to me but I am a craven fraidy cat. I woke up this morning in the middle of what I would call a mid level panic attack. I live that way a lot; worrying about this and that and the other. It consumes me some times. I think that is why when I do something fun or interesting or build something cool I point it out to my family… they have gotten used to the idea that I do cool things and are no longer impressed. I am though. I always marvel at the end result, because I don't think I could have done it. I mentioned a while ago that my work is no longer fulfilling. It is starting to eat me. Yesterday the guy I sort of work for asked if I were up to a challenge. I about pissed my self. Not like this thing I am doing 12 hours a day going on 7 days a week isn't enough of a challenge? Now I have to sift through someone else's work and learn how they did it and how I am going to redo it. There are good notes, better notes than I make. In the past, though, my function was to do a thing then do a different thing. I never had to do the same thing again now or months later so I didn't need notes much except what I needed to get through the thing. This past couple years has been really trying. When I first moved here I had a job that was about the top end of what it is that I do. And I was not in any way ready for it. I was tossed, not in to the deep end alone… I was hurled in to the ocean in the middle of a "Perfect Storm", with no help… much. I had to learn the whole thing alone… mostly. That was nerve wracking day in and day out. That job went away, moved out of state. Now I am in a sort of similar situation again. I suspect this is a case of what doesn't kill you makes you better, faster, stronger… but I am getting very tired of pushing this old boulder up this steep learning curve day after day. I suspect God is making this all work out though because I sure don't see how it keeps working out. I haven't need for any thing, wanted for yes, but not needed. I don't go hungry, the bills keep getting paid. I keep shaking in my boots though.

Raceism #2

This recent flair up of racist concerns is both crap and deeply troubling. On the face of it its crap for this reason; it seems that every time a black person gets arrested some one throws the race card. That is Crap. It's troubling because the President of the United States saw fit to wade in with ridiculous commentary on a subject he knew nothing about! Yes he knew Dr. Gates and probably new him to be a mild mannered professor. But I think that Perhaps Dr. Gates' attitude might have been brought on by his personal relationship with Obama, It sounds something like this… Party of the first part: "You can not talk to me like this. I know Vinie, Vinie Scumbado." The mention of Vinie's name, being some fictitious notorious underworld enforcer type, is supposed to strike fear in to the individual speaking to the party of the first part. I think that the professor thought that Obama was his Vinie. One of the things that make that troubling is that it paints Obama as a racist. And before you all start screaming he's black he can't be racist, Shut Up. It's my belief that black people are more racist than most white people. Many black people see racism in every thing a white person says. And what's worse, they see it when it's not there.

I witnessed a scene at a superior court house where in a black man was at 'Window#1' trying, like the rest of us, to get some documentation issues handled. In this case it was something to do with copies of transcripts pertaining to a restraining order put out against him by his used to be wife. The woman behind the desk asked him to wait while she looked up the records and she was finding nothing based on the information that he was giving her. Almost instantly he flew in to a rage and started screaming racism. His voice rose so as to be heard in the entire room filled with talking people. Every one around shut up as a result. I suspect that was his intent to draw attention to his plight and cause the woman embarrassment so as to quell her apparent attempt at racism. He ranted and raved for about a minute while the woman politely and continuously, politely and professionally asked him if there was any other name his case could be listed under. Nothing! He was not going to be silenced or hauled down off his High White… err Black Horse of righteous indignation. Nor was he going to pull his head out of his ass to try to think of answering the woman's questions. Finally a supervisor came over to see what the furory was about, a black man I might add. I suspect that helped some, for a second. The, would be, injured man repeated what he told the woman behind the counter in a non library voice. The supervisor entered the same information in to the database and again nothing. That really lit the guy up. Now not only is it racism it was now conspiracy on the part of the court to deprive him if his legal rights. Wowie did he go off. Al Sharpton would have been very Proud! The supervisor asked him repeatedly to come to the end of the counter where he could be brought around in to a private room where they could talk about this more privately. "NO F'ing way, I will not be take out back like a little nigger boy." Round and round they went for going on 4 minutes now. Finally the supervisor calls the police/security officers over to try to get control of the situation. I think that the wrong thing to do. The security officers tried to explain that he was disrupting the normal course business of the court and that he would have to quiet down or leave or be forcibly removed. HE did not listen to the first three times the officers explained his choices, so the smaller officer reached out and took his arm. WOW that was like pure sodium and water, I tell you what. Then the larger officer took his other arm and lifted him and carried him down the counter and in to the back, screaming all the way. You could hear him for a couple more minutes then he went quiet. I wondered if they tazed him or something. It seems that he gave a wrong name to the original court worker. He came storming out with an arm load of papers apparently what he was looking to get in the first place. After he was gone I over heard the court counter people talking about it. It seems that he wasn't giving the same name he used in the original hearing. The court worker had asked him repeatedly if there was a different name.

Raceism 1

This whole thing with professor Gates and the Cop and Obama has me thinking about the whole race thing a lot. I have been thinking about the race thing for a long time and I think it would be a good idea to get a couple of the principal race related incidents that have helped shape my thinking about race issues to help me sort out my feelings. The next couple posts will be about them.

tough issues

Censorship

I read in a blog where the blogger was upset about a commercial that was running promoting a new TV show. The spot showed a family of 'little people' taking self defense glasses. It seems that the video of the spot is showing the woman of the couple kicking and screaming "No" and punching the instructor with the appropriate pads and stuff while a upbeat voice over guy is saying Ben and Jen play hard to get. Her contention is that the phrase hard to get coupled with the video f kicking and screaming NO plants the idea that no does not mean no that it means fight longer then I will say yes. I can see her point and i agree that there is a subtle message being delivered. I wonder about the not so very subtle messages out there... like "Smack my Bitch up". This is not so very subtle. I wonder if that is ok because it isn't trying to sneak in under the radar. Its just in your face and offensive or not...

tough issues

I was sort of trolling the teevee thing last night. I stumbled across the "48 Hours" show.
I don't know much about it and haven't really cared to find out about it either. That's not the point. This episode caught me just right. It was about Tim Masters of Colorado. He was accused, stalked, tried, convicted, incarcerated, and denied several appeals. On the face of it, the pretty glossy of it yippy chalk one up for the good guys. But it seems that the justice system got it wrong... WAY purposefully wrong. Imagine that. I don't have a great deal of faith in the Justice system any more. In a later installment I will run down my most recent run ins with the Justice system. But for now I talk about the Masters thing. Not so much the case itself but the implications. Tim Masters was convicted of Killing a woman in his community. I don't think I will run down the details though they are amazingly interesting. You can read up on it here if you find it even remotely interesting enough to read further.
I am typicaly a proponant of the death sentence. I believe in it not a deterant but as a measure if justice. I am not a criminal and as such I dont think like one. I tried that once in a goofy situation a long time ago... I got nothin'. But I did participate in the consumption and selling of drugs for a period of time which is a criminal activity. So as a used to be "criminal" I can say this about my activities. The punishment which I definitely understood should I get caught would be some protracted length of time in Prison. This really did not enter my mind while I went about my criminal activity. I was certain that I was below the radar. I believe that most criminals think that they are also. This said having watched this case it gives me serious pause to consider that "They" managed to cobble together a case that put Tim Masters away for life with out parole, with NO Physical evidence! It seems that with just a shred of concocted evidence Tim Masters might have been executed and we might not behaving this 'talk'. But he was Innocent! This really frightens me. As I said I am a believer in the death penalty. I see no reason for the State to protect he life of a person who violently took the life of another. Especialy if that killer is a psychopathic killer, a serial killer or the like. If the state could show me some reasonable purpose for keeping these people alive at the states/MY expense roughly $80,000 a year in most cases then ok. There are only a couple reasons that make sense to me. 1 If the criminal is working and earning a wage and that wage is then being given to the family of the person who was killed. 2 this psychopath is subjected to study and experimentation for the purposes of understanding and preventing this sort of behavior from developing. And since DNA stuff is 'proving' the existance of SAD genes and Fat genes GAY genes... why, then, can there not be psychopath genetic study. I can live with Sad Fat Gay people, Psychopaths... I personally would rather not. Bug again this really stopped me in my typically one track thinking tracks. What if? Mr. Masters served in the US Navy. He was a aircraft mechanic working on jet aircraft. He had a good solid life... now? And they haven't even cleared his name, so when he goes and applies for a job and that line comes up "have you ever been convicted of a crime?" what does he do? The Investegator Broderic 'stalked' Masters for years before he got him arrested. The state harassed Masters for years(wiretaps recorded conversations between Masters and his father, surveillance pictures and video then locked him up for 9 years. Some how I think the state owes Masters something. The prosecuting attornies are now Judges and I suspect ate beyond reach.
I suspect that this is why I believe that the 10 commandments belong in the court room. I have to pray that God is there and will see true justice done because it seems that men are not up to the task.

God never waists a hurt so I believe that something good will come of this... in time. I hope that Mr. Masters is there to see that happen.

I am happy that I am not in a possition to have to figure this out. I dont calim to have the answers but this is a frightening thing indeed.