Is it any wonder; Part Deux

    I used to think that science was one of the last or only incorruptible communities left on the planet, and that the pursuit of truth and discovery through the much hailed "scientific method". Turns out I was wrong, yet again. Seems the longer I live the more ignorant I get. Turns out that the scientific community is a cult, at least the elite top end is especially when it comes to molecular biology especially when it comes to the origins of life on this crappy whirling dirtball of a planet.
Most every one is acquainted with the principals put forth by Chuck Darwin, the Theory of evolution as it is more commonly known. I use the familiar Chuck for Charles to indicate that I have little or no respect for him or his work. It seems that every one has forgotten that Chuck himself later recanted his theories as flawed and erroneous. Chuck's ideas do at a certain level explain the changes of species over time. But some how today's scientists have dropped the theory part of the phrase and take it as Fact. How is it that other scientific communities move on from the past. Physicists moved past Newton to Einstein and beyond. Cant we move past Darwin? Even though not one scientist can categorically state with an absolute 100 % certainty that Evolution is a fact not a strained out dated theory or possesses the ability to reproduce the origin of life. Not a single scientist can "create" life at any level. I mean can not get the 256 proteins to line up in the proper order to be considered the MOST basic building block of life. And it makes me wonder even if you could get that to happen once in say every 100,000 years what is the likely hood that single strand could find another before it expired in what ever violent situation that might befall such a randomly joined bit of protein in the unbelievably violent environment of that time. Volcanic activity, intense meteor activity very unfriendly chemical oceans you name it, this was not a hospitable place especially if you think that this happened before the event that left us with a moon. That single event absolutely erased every thing on the pre-moon planet just like that. Look in to how the moon got where it is today. That is an amazing story!
It seems that if you speak just a whisper of descent of Gospel according to Darwin you can have your life erased, as a scientist any way. Professors who have mentioned Intelligent Design even in passing have been fired and black listed never to work as a teacher or scientist again.
Scientists allow NO room for a "creator" of any kind. Live as we know it "IS" all accidental undirected. You follow the accepted doctrin lock/goose step or else.
If you apply the same general guidelines that might apply to a cult to the elite of the scientific comuiity it begins to look rather cultish... to me. I read where one scientist proposed that with less religion in the way more science could fill the void on knowledge and as more science filled the void less and less religion would be needed until ultimately there would be no religion. We have seen this sort of pursuit before. The Nazi's pursued this level of commitment to science that ultimately lead to a policy of doing away with those not sufficiently worthy to eat, Eugenics... the Master Race. Heck even in America we pursued that. 50,000 people were sterilized against their will. Every time we see Government remove religion from it society we see events like those that took place under Mao and Stalin and Pol Pot. Similarly when you have a government that is totally religious you have states like Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan Saudi Arabia, Somalia where the penalty for most any tiny infraction is death, and not your run of the mill lethal injection death... stoning and other med-evil very cruel and unusual methods.

    This post is unfinished but posted anyway.
I had a bad day, an amazing confluence of events that really beat on my faith in just about every thing there is. Days like this make my brain boil with frustration with lack of any thing to be done to work against this.

Is it any wonder Part Une

    Is it any wonder that apathy is so rampant in today's society?
There is no good news any where for any one. There is nothing to believe in nothing to count on nothing positive that sustains.
I used to think believe in the one man/woman one vote system of governance in America. That is gone.
It seems that the people of California turned out in an official election sanctioned by the state to change the constitution of the state to ban Gay marriage ala Prop 8. The vote as I understand it passed in favor and by something like 600,000 votes, a substantial number in any state election. But along comes one judge who wipes that all away in a single stroke of his pen. It makes me very dubious about voting. Why should I bother to vote if the courts are as likely as not to dismiss my vote. Why bother to take the time to read about any of the propositions ponder their consequence for my self or others, why bother when some one else is going to come along and do that "for me". Clearly I am too stupid or too ignorant or both to make such decisions. Why should I bother to even think about such issues.
Having said all that please don't get me wrong I used to be against gay marriage but I have, in the last couple years come to understand that my position was based on the notion that marriage was a religious tenant and that the 'institution' of marriage was a biblically based spiritual thing, a God created and ordained thing, and I believed that the bible spoke against homosexuality male and/or female. So, well, a few years of thought and investigation, isn't the internet a wonderful thing, I have learned that while it might in theory be such a thing, it's roots are some what less lofty or noble.
So and as many comedians have put it why should I keep the homosexual community from 'enjoying' the same hate, animosity, financial ruination that the rest of the community enjoys especially if no matter how many people vote to ban gay marriage if a judge thinks us all bigoted and backwards for holding these beliefs and voting out conscience that he will set us all straight and show us the error of our ignorant ways.

shutup already

Used to be when I would sit down to an evening of blog reading. I would read and comment on any or everything; politics, parenting, personal stories of triumph or tragedy, any thing that I had an opinion about it would spew out on to others commentary pages. Suddenly, how ever that has changed, mostly. I will start to write the commentary and after several editions and rewrites I click away from the page without leaving my comment.
In times gone by I have been sort of compulsive about answering questions even if I wasn't asked the question. And not just answering the question but going on to disgorge just about any and all information that might remotely pertain to the subject, or the history of, or future of, or anything directly or indirectly connected to the subject.
My daughter developed a "safe word" to let me know when I was going beyond the scope of the question and straying into pontificating.
I really became a bit ashamed of my compulsion... why cant I just shutup already.
So but anyway lately I have begun to be able to 'shutup already'

Partisipation

    In attempt to inject some fun into the rather feted pool of unpleasantness that this blog has become have decided for better or worse to participate in a Friday Flash Fiction... um thing and maybe I will try out some other similar stuff as well. Who knows where this could lead, NST, possibly HNT.
Below the post is a button to find out what this is all about.
Sooo here we go.



    The three of them stared at me when I burst through the doors. I was lost in the Palace and was desperate to find my way back to the Ball. Two of them glared at me, their eyes were somehow accusing, the third looked to be imploring me to come in and render aid of some sort. Suddenly I realized that she was looking at my codpiece with a hungry eye. The others continued to glare; willing me and my codpiece to burst into flames and drift away like a mote of dust drifting in a shaft of morning sun streaming in through a window. Dressed as they were I was struck by the half full or half empty glass puzzle… are these two women half dressed or half undressed, and are they helping this other woman into or out of her gown? Perhaps, had I lasted just a few more moments in the armory with the Princess, receiving my first Royal blowjob, this situation might have evolved sufficiently for me to make a more complete evaluation, but alas, my future Mother in-law must not be kept waiting, something about an after dinner snack.

The Ex Part Deux

    So it's been a very long time since I posted any thing. I wrote volumes but posted nothing.

    I just posted this and saw my disclaimer there shouting at me about being tough... guess I should have read that as I was writing it.
The short of it is that me and my ex had a very hot sex life but I lost sight of that when I found internet porn.

    While I was writing about her I did something I had not done before I wrote from the beginning. Previously all my thoughts, ruminations, introspections, considerations, pontifications, rants I worked from the present back. That thought vector front loaded the process with hate, anger, frustration, anxiety, loss... but starting from the beginning somehow did not. This thinking really took me by surprise, ambushed me, sucker punched me. As I began to think back on our lives one "Dear Penthouse Forum'... story after another came to mind. I started writing them initially with the intent to populate this blog with them for a couple months... but as time went on and I got closer to the "bad time" I found that I could no longer write them and was increasingly ashamed of how I destroyed our marriage so willingly, ignorantly, selfishly. The ex, was pretty hot. She could easily have held her own standing next to many porn stars. She was also the prettiest of the wives of all or most of my friends wives and I imagine that our sex life was the hottest. She was tall and lean, blond with blue gray eyes. But I wanted more... always more.
Then Internet porn and online BBS's (the technology people used to communicate before texting and Facebook and MySpace and, and,...) came along and I was hooked on the next picture I could down load and the next "hot-chat" (what it was called before it was called cyber-sex) I could strike up.
I had a great job. She had a great job. We had a lovely daughter. We had great, fun friends. We were living in one of the greatest places on earth, proximate to San Francisco the epicenter of the wild and crazy sex world... and I pissed it all away.
Looking back this is what it must be like to have pissed away a fabulous life/future to coke or any other addiction. I always wondered... didn't they see this coming at them like a fucking freight train? I guess not. I/we escaped the coke addiction but I couldn't/didn't/wouldn't see the sex/porn addiction thing coming at me with all the horns blaring and smoke billowing wheels rumbling. I just kept buying the next best video card and the next fastest modem... 2400, 4800,9600,14400, I was on the bleeding edge here too... I was the first person I know that had an ISDN line in my home. I had one before most internet providers even knew what ISDN was. So for a couple years I was pretty brutally hooked on the cybersex and internet porn. After the ex left I hurt several other lovely women in a similar fashion.
I struggle with the internet porn thing still not to nearly the same degree but when I am angry or frustrated or depressed that is my 'drug' of choice. Now I am able to feel that urge rising and am able to get away from a computer in time, mostly, to avoid it. It really only makes me feel worse about my self and currently I do NOT need any help in that regard I feel plenty shitty all by my self.
For a while I was communicating with a lovely woman here online, she was/is a good friend with honesty and integrity. She pointed out some things that I was still blind to regarding my stuff. I thank her for her honesty.
Recently I have seen many shows on TV regarding internet porn addiction and cybersex addiction and it seems that the medical community is beginning to acknowledge the issue. I hope that some working protocols are developed to help shit heads like me to not be so shitty to their wives and loved ones. I guess that is the cost of being on the bleeding edge of a new sexual frontier. I imagine that when "The Pill" first got here there were plenty of women that got hurt by being on the bleeding edge of being sexually available with out barriers and responsibility of possible children and or abortions.

    So in summery... the breakup of my marriage was due to me being a selfish asshole.

    I see and read so much about others getting caught in that net of internet porn and it makes me sad and afraid for others. It seems that women are the fastest growing segment of population accessing porn on the internet. This sort of reminds me of the days when women "finally" got their own cigarettes... Yippy for them, now they can die just as horribly from heart disease and cancer as men. Now that is real equality. So now they can be just as addicted to porn as men. I wonder that they aren't as ready for this sort of thing. Men have been wallowing in porn stuff for ever, women not so much... at least I don't think so. But like alcohol some people are able to have just a drink and others can not stop at just a drink.