As an experiment I will leave this blog as un-retouched (edited) as I can manage as a first draft. Then I will rework it over the next couple of days and repost it to see how it changes. Perhaps I will do much of that. A stream of conscience first draft then the cleaned up final draft… perhaps I can see what gets sifted out and what gets punched up and from that see where my priorities are and see if they shift over time.
I have given this some though over the past week or so. I guess I will be writing about what is happening in my life these days and hot what is happening now relates to stuff that happened in the past. Initially I thought it would all be just one thing then as time went on I thought that “these” things would be interesting and ”these things too so suddenly I was forced to open it up to a whole lot of things/ideas. I tried blogging before. I was enamored with some blogs that I was reading… sex blogs principally. I thought they were very revealing and exciting and expressive and a lot of things. I had a lot of things to learn about sex and sexuality and how I dealt with sex and sexuality… a LOT to learn. Perhaps that makes sense and perhaps it doesn’t just now but as time goes on I believe it will.
Some things will be relevant some things will be irrelevant but possibly humorous and some will just be rants. I think I rant less now than I did before. I used to listen to a lot of TALK radio, specifically Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hanidy and several others that I thought/think are good idealogs. I believe in much of what they say… but as I have recently come to understand much of what I believe is base principally on my feelings. I used to believe that I was a fact base believer but as was made apparent to me through a series of talks with a friend it became clear that this was not the case. This was a tough pill to swallow, an unpleasant epiphany so to speak. I hope to either back up my feelings with facts that support my beliefs or perhaps modify my beliefs or perhaps modify my feelings or perhaps none of the above of perhaps some of all of the above. As perhaps will become apparent if I do this right (for myself) I will move back on to more solid ground thought and feeling wise. That is to say I will get my thoughts and my feelings and my beliefs all lined up a bit better.
To start with I would say that I was a conservative person. I believe that as a result of years of listening to Rush I see conspiracy under most every rock. Initially I took that to be a more piercing inquiry of everything I saw or read. I am ok knowing that I am a cynic. I have to say though that being a cynic tends to make me less able to connect with good things. I should say it’s harder to find good things to connect with if you question everything and every one’s motives.
In the end I hope that this will be a way for me to explore stuff that is floating around inside and either line it up or change it or get rid of it (delete it for those that know me) for the better. I read this on a blog somewhere
“Writing down your thoughts helps put worries in to concrete ideas and move past an event, rather than simply ruminating and letting negative feelings simmer. It creates a cohesive story for your life narrative.“ Richard B Slatcher
I hope this will help me be happier in the end.
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