My stuff - Personal Guilt - Depression

     I have evidentially lead a despicable life.

    I was listening to the radio tonight. [last night by now I guess] A song came on talking about the singers past. His childhood. Things that he wouldn't change. Not from the 70"s not from the 80"s. The song title is  "19 Somthin' "I suppose I would have to include the 60's as well. He said that he wouldn't trade those days for nuthin' of words to that effect.

    As I listened to this song and was disheartened to think that I would trade it all away for a clean conscience. Nothing that I can think of would off-set my willingness to cleanse my conscience, my soul. I watch a TV show "Lucifer". On the show they describe "Hell" as a loop where in you relive the thing that causes you guilt. While watching this I sort of thought that might make sense. But Holly Shit there SO MANY guilty memories. Nearly every memory I can recall with any clarity is a guilty one. All of my earliest memories are guilty memories. I had a sweet loving mother who I, for lack of a better word, abused. I strong 'willed' her into things, stupid things, selfish things. When I was in high school for instance, I felt that I deserved a Gold Seiko Digital watch. This watch had two alarms and a countdown timer function. In today's terms this would have been the Very Highest end Apple watch. And I know that it had a slew of other "cool factor" functions that I don't even recall. This watch was $200.00. The date of this was something like the middle of 1977. I don't know what the inflation adjusted to today's dollars would be but I imagine it was WAY more that a middle achieving high school student deserved. At this time I was attending high school at a private school. A school for the very rich and very influential. As I recall one years tuition cost on the order of $5000.00. I later learned that you could have purchased a very nice, very new BMW 2002 for that money. When the 289 Shelby Cobra was being made and sold in the late 60's you could have had one of those for $5000.00. I imagine you could buy a VERY nice watch with that inflation adjusted money. I am absolutely certain that this watch was much better that the watch my father wore. Much Better. That is just one example. The truly bitch part of that is that I don't even have that watch anymore. I don't even remember when or why I threw it out. I don't even ware the watches that I do own. The same goes for an VERY high dollar engineering Calculator that my father purchase for me. A Texas Instruments TI 59. I don't remember when or why I threw that out either. I was at CostCo the other day and nearly purchased a set of plastic storage bins. These thoughts rolled right out of my memory and I said to my self that If I own so much stuff that I need to buy storage bins to keep the stuff in, then I have too much stuff. That is another Guilt inducing tangle of memories. But as I sit here I do recall one gift that my father purchased for me. A small transistor radio. The Sony Walkman of the day, I imagine. He purchased this radio while he was serving in the Marin Corps in Viet Nam. He was a Marine Corps Engineer and was in charge of the set up and maintaining of MANY of the Camps or Bases that you no doubt have hear the names of. This was when we were living in Hawaii on the Kaneohe Naval Air Station. I was in the second grade so I was about six or seven. This marvel of compact electronic know how was however wasted on me. But years later when we had moved to Saline Michigan, I was in the fifth grade so maybe ten or eleven years old, while unpacking our things my father unpacked this radio. He was so emotionally amazed and astounded that I did in fact still have this radio and that it did in fact still function. He turned it on, dialed in a local AM station and played it over the phone to my mother she was equally astounded. I had such a habit of breaking things that my father described it to his friends that "I could take apart a steel ball bearing with a rubber hammer just to see what was inside". I imagine that he was caused to describe this habit of mine this way because at some point while living in Hawaii I snuck into the top drawer, his drawer, of a six drawer highboy dresser where I found a grey 3/4 inch marble. I stole this marble out of the drawer and did in fact smash it with a hammer. I don't know why I felt compelled to do such a stupid thing. As it turns out that marble was very sentimental for him and from his childhood. As I recall he won this marble from the reining school marble play champion. Marble play was a big deal in his childhood. Marble play was likely the nonviolent equivalent of fighting. I remember when I was in third grade marble play was still very serious business. I know he was very much saddened by this senseless act on my part, one of so many, many, many stupid, selfish things I did. I do still have that radio and it does still function, mostly because of that one incident. As I sit here I can dredge up right off the top of my head so more similar examples. Alpine-Lite Backpack, compressed air bottles, welding equipment, belt sander... Each one leads to the next, snowball down a hill like. I am very certain that if for what ever reason I really took some time to add all these incidents up there would be many, many more and that is just how I treated my mother and father. So many more that they far out weigh the good happy memories. By Far and away. When I move up to the women that I have the good fortune to be involved with in my life this guilty conscience list balloons out to... well huge proportions, exponential proportions, astronomical proportions, Biblical proportions.

    I recently read that we as humans evolutionarily are 'conditioned' to remember the bad things. The bad things, evolutionarily speaking, would most likely revolve around life and death situations. In  this article it said that in the 'dark ages' [maybe] after teaching a child an important thing the instructors would violently throw the child into a cold stream. The adrenaline would somehow solidly cement this learned thing solidly into the child's memory.

    I have also read that we as humans somehow anesthetize ourselves from bad memories. Somehow selectively massaging and editing them down into less troubling memories. To the point of even turning them into good memories. When I read that I thought woah, woah, woah, back up, Good Memories?. I think that somewhere in my 'Drug addicted weirdo days" I must have killed off that anesthetizing agent in my brain chemistry. Because when I look back over my life, truly the bulk of the memories floating around my mind just floating on the surface are decidedly guilty memories. My used to be fiance once told me that I was a 'Spoiled child'. I immediately disagreed with her as you might imagine. But those words have stuck with me for... well, ever since. And more and more I am believing that assessment of my character, moral character, ethical character and any other descriptor that you might saddle my character with. I just looked up "Spoiled Child" this is what came back      "The spoiled child syndrome is characterized by excessive self-centered and immature behavior, resulting from the failure of parents to enforce consistent, age-appropriate limits. Many of the problem behaviors that cause parental concern are unrelated to spoiling as properly understood."       I do not believe in laying the blame on my parents for my shit behavior because I should have grown out of that shit behavior, Long ago. On my own. The Brad Paisley song "Celebrity" the line "... cant wait to sue my dad. Wreck a Ferrari on my way to rehab."

    I should have learned to be a better human being. 

    I failed, not my parents.

Race Relations - Ilegal imigration

 

    But as long as we are talking Texas and ID cards... Absolutely VOTER ID cards!!! If you are required to have an ID card for airline travel or a drivers license ID card to drive a car then...  None of these holds nearly the gravity as does VOTING. I cant believe that Sleepy Joe and veepee Harris opened up the borders to import millions of "Illegal" voters. Sleepy Joe said it "Illegal" on national TV.  But I digress.

    I guess after further analysis importing voters from around the world you still could not steel the election this time.

Woke Relations - Prounouns

    In the immortal words of Bill Maher I long for the days when your assigned pronouns in school were "sit down and shut up."

Woke Relations - Trans - Sports

    It seems that Hermaphroditic, come intersex, come DSD persons (George Carlin word creep) of the world are now entering into the sporting world. And seemingly a big way. And they make a big splash when they do. Sometimes literally as in the penn state and ncaa swim team fiasco. I have SooOOOooo much respect for Riley Gains. I would vote for her for President, with Hailey Welsh (the Hawk Tuah Girl) as Vice President. These two women know how to get a JOB done. So this is going to be a "Thing" now. As a start the sporting governing bodies around the world every sporting everything now need to set a new ruling on making new classifications regarding hermaphroditic, intersex, DSD and Feelings based gender identification. There was a high school softball team (I think it was softball) that refused to play against a team with gender fluid players. They were disqualified for the duration of the season for being insensitive towards the opposing team. Its pretty simple though, a blood test for chromosomal make up. If you are going to play in a sport it seems you should now be required to have an authentic chromosomal blood test ID card. Probably right along side your AIDS test result card and your Covid test result card. It is the sad new truth. I played in little league a million years ago and all you needed was to comit to show up for practice do your best and have a baseball mit. It is a sad state of affairs that now gender fluidity is an issue.

Woke relations - Trans - Sports

 

     So there has been some activity regarding the Algerian "woman" boxer a Mr.Imane Khelif by name who stole the gold medal in the most recent Summer Sham, I mean olympics. It seems that this man has sued X [formally Twitter] for the huge amount of hate delivered to himself on the platform because he Stole the gold medal. Imagine that. It seems that he is upset about his new found fame and all that goes with it. The Cover of Vogue [Saudi Arabia]

    Everybody insists on referring to this as a trans-phobia issue. It is not trans-phobia, not in sports especially contact combative sports, like boxing, its a safety issue. It is not even strictly about combative sports. Its about biological boys and men competing unfairly against biological girls and women. In any sport you want to name except for the more cerebral competitions like maybe or Chess or Bridge. There was a catastrophic incident in Collegiate Women's Volley ball where in a young woman was permanently injured when a Man on the teem spiked the ball into this young woman's face. I am certain that you are ALL aware of the Lia Thomas [formally Will Thomas] scandal. There is NO end of the "goofyness" surrounding Mr. Thomas. The weird just keeps coming. 

     Its my understanding that Mr. Khelif experienced some 5-alpha reductase deficiency in-utero but he does in fact not have a uterus or a vagina but does in fact have two un-descended testicles. News article. This is a sort of a "Victory Lap" for the sensible folks out there who knew this truth all along with a splash of gloating thrown in for good measure.

    The Fucks at the IOC issued this...

• IOC recommendations additionally include guiding principles for all sport federations to follow, encouraging:
  • Inclusion of athletes of all gender identities;
  • Use of an evidence-based approach in constructing rules;
  Preventing athletes from undergoing unnecessary procedures or treatments to be eligible.

    All gender identities?  What?  Does this mean if Mr. Mike Tyson showed up to participate as a woman boxer stating that he now identifies as a "White Blonde haired Woman" that he should somehow be now eligible to fight on the olympic woman's team after he crushes this new kid on the block Jake Paul. I have no doubt that Mr. Paul has been taking this up coming fight very seriously, as he should. You really should not shoot your mouth off like this with out some serious preparation or having a full ready-to-go surgical team ringside and a Billion dollar life insurance policy. A policy that NO insurance company would ever underwrite.

    The only evidence-based here is a simple chromosome test XX or XY the end... and the usual blood doping tests. Just hope that Mr. Khelif hasn't spent too much time with Russian "coach's". We know how that would likely urine test out. Gold Silver or Bronze what color will Mr. Khelif piss be next olympics.

 

 

 

    I am going to keep BANGING ON about the paris olympics here. ((I guess I will be done now banging on about the olympics nowbecause it is over now.)) And yes in am intentionally not capitalizing both paris and olympic and its different sentence structure variants and anything to do with olympic. Just my little way to protest their total disregard for reality and in this instance sportsmanship. I will continue in this vein, not capitalizing words or names that I find contemptible. Similarly I will be striking through those words that I find offensive. And in that same vein I will be capitalizing and underscoring words that I feel do deserve respect.

I am now hearing that the ioc is hiding behind the passport gender identifier box tick [F] as the gold standard of a (in this instance) boxer's biological sex for their qualification to be in the women's (female) boxing matches. 

It seems to me that if countries would try to sneak a "doped" athlete into the olympic games by using fancy high-level chemistry sets and whatever else is involved with "doping" why wouldn't they just tick the gender [ ] box on a passport with [F] for a male athlete so the newly minted "female" athlete could "bring home the gold" while sending their competition home in a coma. (particularly in the combat sports) I can not imagine the courage took for the Italian Woman Boxer to stand up for herself in front of the World and to call the fight. She knew what was happening to herself and knew enough to not go home in a body bag. I have so much respect for her. I personally think the Italian Woman Boxer should have thrown off the now bullshit olympic boxing rules because the ioc threw off the rules first, and sucker punched the absolute compound living FUCK out of that algerian sheethead when he ever so condescendingly approached the Italian Woman Boxer and patted the Italian Woman boxer on her back with the immortal words of Sheldon Cooper "There there" probably ringing in her ears . ((Incoming update alert It seems that the Italian Woman Boxer has had a change of heart and reconsidered her position on not shaking the algerian shithead's hand after the "fight". Italy probably was informed that ISIS had threatened some terrorist rioting shit. Italy probably received a strongly worded letter from the mayor of paris, the president france, the ioc and ISIS.)) That was not an olympic style points fight That was a man brutalizing a Woman. Again, I think the Italian Woman Boxer should have gone totally berserker mode and I that mean in the truest of ways. The METH crazed ways, PCP crazed ways, Bath Salt crazed ways (Synthetic cathinones what ever the fuck those/that is/are) Total RAGE Berserker action. Empty the dugouts action, refs and security grabbing at her action, carrying her swinging, cursing and spitting action, Fight club action, "dogs and cats living together" (Ghost busters reference) action, Return Home a National Hero action! Bloody up that mans face, disfigured him for life action. Maybe even blinded him in one eye just like the ioc is blind action. She probably would have been thrown ALL the way out of paris and france and boxing for for that matter for"Unsportsmanlike" behavior but in the immortal words of Dead Pool "Worth it".

Algeria does not the money for the big-deal high-level super-secretive doping projects like the Russian or the Chinese do. But a simple paper pushing hack and the male athlete now an [F] in the sex/gender box on his passport and Presto-e-chango, and the WOKE, DEI, feelings before science agenda driven ask no questions  ioc will turn a BLIND eye because of the feelings of country of origin of this freshly minted [F] athlete said so. Corruption alert. The ioc and the world used to be ever  SOOOooo very touchy about blood doping and Illegal performance enhancing substances. What about illegal performance enhancing genetics and chromosomes. Blood doping tests are simple blood tests administered to EVERY athlete. Why would they totally disregard a sex identifier test? Especially now that gender fluidity has gone mainstream. The one true gold standard test for the sex [M] or [F] is a chromosome test. Not based on the feelings of the athlete and not the feelings of the country of origin. Simple Biology.  Its not like they can mess around with this genetic marker specifically for the olympics. They have disqualified so many athletes for blood doping over the years. I hope now chromosomal genetic testing will become standard. But in the immortal words of Mark Twain "I hope it but I doubt it".

It seems to me that if the governing body regulating the world of boxing the, International Boxing Association, the IBA, have rules for this sort of thing. And did in fact disqualify this algerian athlete from competing in the women's category in the world championships for this very reason. Perhaps the ioc should take IBA rules a little more seriously. Not just dismiss them completely out of hand in favor of advancing the WOKE, DEI agenda. The IBA rules are in place of the actual physical safety of the boxers across the Globe, not the feelings of the boxers across the Globe. ((Incoming update alert. It seems that the IBA's ethics is now under intense scrutiny. Lack of financial transparency. Just like every other body of governance on the planet it seems. Go figure.))

The last time I can remember that there was this much DRAMA involving the olympics was the 72 Munich olympics. And ISIS, and their ilk, haven't even have the nerve to try that stunt again. I believe Mossad saw to that. ISIS et al sat by and let paris and the ioc do their work this time. (( Notice that I did capitalize ISIS because they stand up for their principals, as violent and deadly as they are.)) paris and the ioc are just slipery, slimy, unprincipled, greedy fucks. Yea I said it, FUCKS. No principals, no morals, no ethics, no common sense, no sense of right and wrong, no sense of fair play. No sense at all. I thought the whole idea of the olympics was fair play. A level playing field especially in the combative events. But I guess they don't feel that way anymore.

I know that each city takes the opportunity to put their "stamp" on the olympics held in their city. But WOW what a stamp. paris just stomped down on the throat of good taste with this olympiad. And the ioc just showed themselves to be feckless, spinless, woke agenda pushers. This reminds me budlite debacle. I wonder if the mayor of paris is going to stand by the artistic director of this olympic spectacle or quietly fire them and the committee "they" rode in on. I say "they" not because I am being sensitive to their pronoun demands but because I just don't know who this person is. I cant imagine the global internet snooping that is befalling paris and the fucks that let this shit out of the minds (of the fucks who ate some suspect mushrooms in their vegan salads) and onto the drawing boards and then into committee meetings and then out of committee meetings and onto the televisions of the entire world. I really hope that the weapons grade investigation turns up the same level of depravity as was found out about that thomas fuck who had to sue his way on to the team. I mean every other city has had pride in their show. Japan, China, Brazil even Russia put on respectful shows. The opening ceremony is supposed to be a show for the entire world a proud statement about their city, their national heritage, their country and what was and is best in them. Oooooohhh wait just a minute "hole' up"...  I was going to say where is their pride. But then it slapped me in the face that the meaning of the word pride, like so many others lately,  has crept or migrated. (Watch this George Carling video for the true meaning of word creep) I don't know if pride day/month is celebrated the same in Europe or the rest of the world as it is in the USA but perhaps that is what we just saw. First we have pride parades, then we have pride month and now we have pride olympics.

Paris can call their mockery of ALL of things Christian satire or parody or hide it by calling it a live depiction of  "Feast of the Gods" painting supposedly similar to the "Last Supper" by Leonardo Da Vinci. Those paintings, in my opinion, are not nearly similar enough to make that claim. paris has always been a wild and crazy, free wheeling, artsy city so maybe they can hide their shame in that. But I don't think that even the city Amsterdam, a city world renown for being a wild and crazy drug addled Crazy Train Depot would have would have put on that show. 

So the olympics is over now. I am happy to say that I did NOT partake in the closing ceremonies. At the same time I feel a certain level of remorse for not watching those athletes that participated in these olympics. Most of them deserve to be seen and congratulated for that participation.