Last night I was lying in bed angry and sad and desolate. I started praying and about a moment into that I thought "What is the point of this?" I have blown my last chance with my Sweety and there is no longer any point at all in prayer. Jesus gave me that last chance and I pissed it way. Don't bother Jesus isn't listening anymore. It's the worst thing in the world to lie next to your love and crave their touch but at the same instance feel that if they touched you, you would brush them away for in spite. There is no more helpless place, for me any way, to be praying for a thing, and in the same moment, resenting that very thing.
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2 comments:
Wow! I am thinking you are where I was a year ago. Lying in bed next to someone and desperately wanting them to love you and get you.
I am just now slowly starting to get over being mad at God for not changing me enough to make him love me, or not helping me figure out how to save my marriage.
I was really angry for a long time because I felt like I prayed and prayed and never got an answer.
Perhaps I did get the answer several times and was just too damn stubborn to realize God gave me the answer and I was unwilling to listen.
Its interesting that you bring God in to this. I am thinking that is a post I need to write...
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